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Dream Angels Help Heal This New Mother
A woman is mired in depression until angels wearing multi-hued robes pay a healing visit.
As appeared in 
Everything—my whole world—felt gray, colorless, flat. The beeping machines of the ICU. The doctors and nurses who came in and out, sounds and images. All dim. Like I was trapped in a thick, inescapable fog.
I’d struggled with depression for years so I recognized the signs. I looked over at my husband, Rob, asleep in a chair in the corner. These last two weeks had been an ordeal for both of us. Why was I not getting better?
Nothing made sense. The doctors couldn’t even tell me what was wrong. I clenched my hands into tight fists. I felt...what was it exactly? It had been so long since I cared about anything. Even my emotions were muffled.
I thought back to when we’d come to the hospital, a Monday morning, Rob and I racing to the maternity unit at 5:00 a.m. I wasn’t due for another three weeks, but I’d started bleeding during the night.
Immediately, a nurse rushed me to a birthing room. Minutes later she handed me a baby boy.
“We’re calling him Lars, after Lindsay’s grandfather,” Rob told the nurse. He was grinning from ear to ear.
“Congratulations,” she said. “He’s beautiful.”
I stared into his little brown eyes and felt nothing. No motherly bond. No love. No tingling in my heart. Nothing.
That was the only time I’d held the baby. Rob’s mom had driven up from Illinois, trading off with my mom to help care for Lars and his big sister, Lacey.
I’d immediately gotten worse, much worse. The doctors couldn’t stop the bleeding. I was vomiting blood. My body ached. I faded in and out of consciousness. It seemed hopeless. I wondered if I was dying without the doctors even knowing why.
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Late that first evening, suddenly I was floating, slowly rising up through an endless dark tunnel. I exited into a bright, vast open space that stretched out in front of me forever. There was nothing even to help me get my bearings.
I looked to my left. A woman, not three feet away from me, sat next to an enormous golden harp. She gazed at me, not smiling exactly, more like the Mona Lisa, calm and serene. Her blond hair was pulled up in a bun.
But what I noticed most was her long, flowing robe. It was a vibrant, rainbow of colors, arranged like blocks on a quilt. It seemed whimsical, but there was a depth to it, a beauty that increased the more I took it in. Could she really be an angel?
I turned to the right only to be startled by two more nearly identical women. They didn’t say a word, didn’t reach toward me, didn’t direct me in any way. But I hadn’t just happened upon them. They were here for me. What did they want?
They must be here to take me away to heaven, I thought. Isn’t that what angels do?
“No,” I heard myself say. “No.”
The next thing I knew I was back in my room, my hand gripping the arm of a nurse. “It’s okay,” she said taking her hand in mine. “Just try to relax. We’re taking good care of you.”
I tried to take a breath, but I barely had the strength. Wires and tubes snaked every which way across my body, pumping plasma into me, medicine to lower my racing blood pressure. I didn’t know what else. It didn’t matter.
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Your Comments
I am sad because my daughter resents her little brother. He needs her affection so much and she rejects him. She is also resentful towards her father, who tries to be a good dad, but sometimes his bad temper gets in the way. It's hard for her to forgive. Please pray that God will give her the grace to be gentle, peaceful, loving, and forgiving, especially toward her father and little brother. And also toward herself. She seems so lost, trying to please the world so much that sometimes she hates her life. She gets so tired living up to other people's expectations. Please pray that she and her father will become close to Jesus like her brother and I are. It's the only way.
please pray for my son Leonard Aquino to have his mental illness be cured, his anger issues to be resolve, his hatred to be soften, to learn to forgive the bad past events and forget if need be. It was done and cannot undo, but to move on and be learning experience. Dear God, please hear me out and help me out with my situation/problems, struggles at home with my son Leonard Aquino. cure his mental issues/illness and clear his mind that he will think straight and straighten his life for good in Jesus name amen....
I feel your pain, Carolina. More importantly, God feels your pain and Leonard's pain. May our Heavenly Father grant you all you have prayed for, in Jesus' name. Amen.
to: carolinaC2lkk Reading between the lines I think you son is either bi-polar or schizophrenic. The only hope for healing is Divine Healing. The only healing is Divine Healing. For here in our lifetime there is no cure. But stability can be achieved by seeing the doctors - primary care and psychiatric - by staying on meds - even if they need to be changed often (our body chemistry is touchy and weird). The formula is Doctor + meds = stability. No doctor + no meds = suicide. My sister is schizophrenic.
But she is doing so well that she can't even get on disability. I told her to thank God for that.
Use the internet for info: about.com has info on both bi-polar and schizophrenia. I get a newletter from David Oliver at Leverageteamllc.com. His mother is bi-polar.
And we pray and pray for wisdom and understanding; Father, my friend is carrying such a heavy load and so worried about what will happen to her son, her baby. Comfort her as you send divine messengers to comfort her son. Lead them in the correct path. We ask for a divine miracle - healing for her son and my sister to begin with. Heal our broken hearts. I know this is path life has chosen for our loved ones. May we support them with your love and your grace.
The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.
Sincerely,
Karen Etheridge
ketheridge@hotmail.com - if you email me, put prayer request in the subject line.
Several years ago, when I woke up in the morning, I couldn't move for awhile. For the next 2 years, I lay in bed in alot of emotional pain with anger flowing out of me, just surviving. Since then, I've been sleeping most of the time--it seems to help me face many internal fears, and to get better. Remembering God loves me, things can and do get better, one day at a time, let go and let God and saying Jesus' name all help me get better day by day. I'm feeling more present in the world, and personal relationships are improving. All of your messages and prayers have helped, too. Thank you and God bless you.
God loves you not only in Spirit but also through people. May His love be so real to you that you will grow stronger and more joyful everyday. God bless you, Leslie.
I've been suffering from depression a lot too and the world definitely seems gray and pointless. All the inspiration and love I had in my heart has left me. I barely remember my happy memories anymore. I wanted to spend the past two years practicing my art, but I've barely had the energy or passion to pick up a pencil. The guilt for all the wasted time is eating at me so much. It seems like life is already over, and it's my own fault. I feel so dead inside. Not being able to clearly remember my precious memories and moments, and not being able to really feel anything besides occasional sadness is just the worst. I just hope I can feel alive and inspired again like you.
I have lived with depression as far back as I can remember. Today I feel alive with the Joy of Christ! My life used to seem like it was divided between being in a black hole and trying to climb out of said hole. I started behavioral therapy along with anti-depressants a few years back. Along the way, I had very good moments and setbacks. I still see the therapist, though not as often. i learned that my own thoughts and how I was programmed as a child were holding me back. I discovered that the truth really does set you free! I am now a new person. My life is not perfect, and I realize that it never will be, there is no such thing! I am in constant pain from Fibromyalgia and Arthritis, but, I am happy! I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. It helped that my therapist is also a Christian. Christ really does want you to be happy! Your burden can also be lifted! Start with your thoughts, and praise God in everything! I'll be praying for you.
Amen to all the comments.
Helen
I am also going thru really hard times, but I have learned that the harder the times the harder I hold on to God he is my one and only the one I can always count on. My focus is on all the blessings that I have every single day, from the moment I open my eyes until I close them again at night...I have learned that the Grace of God is the greatest in the world for me! As long as we are in this world, we will have strugles, sometimes harder than others but that is life, those strugles makes us stronger, wiser, and grateful. My prayers are with you.....just take one day at a time, for today is a gift that many people don't get to open. So I invite you to open your GIFT for is giving to you with love, from God because he knows YOU and LOVES sooo much.
My prayers are with you always! Because I already pray for you, even though we don't know each other. Smile GOD loves you!!!!!!!!!!
I, too, suffered from HELLP syndrome. My symptoms were a bit different from Lindsay's. I had retained water and had high blood pressure toward the end of my pregnancy. I went for an exam and was admitted to the hospital in Williamsport, PA near where I lived. My son was delivered by C-section on the morning of October 8, 1998. We bonded and I was able to nurse him but that evening I experienced a severe headache and I couldn't handle all the noisy beeps, people talking, or the sunlight shining through the window. My husband kept a cool compress on my forehead. I remember a nurse saying I was producing too much urine and she had to keep emptying the catheter bag. My blood pressure continued to rise. The doctors didn't seem to know what was wrong with me. During this painful time, I asked God, "Take me home or help me get well." Then I envisioned myself in a glass coffin, held up in the air by many hands. I saw the brightest light covering a vast open space. I awoke with my husband beside me and holding my hand. I asked him if he heard me say aloud what I asked God. David said I hadn't said anything out loud but I know for sure the Lord healed me. I was still in the hospital when my parents arrived from California on October 10th, and I'm so thankful my husband didn't have to give them bad news. Finally, at a follow-up appointment, my doctor said I had suffered from HELLP syndrome and that it is "almost always fatal." A year later I was baptized, and I am part of a wonderful church family. Thank you for sharing Lindsay's experience in Jan/Feb 2012 edition of Angels on Earth!
Jean, we welcome comments from our readers and we do read them, but time simply doesn't allow us to respond to every comment made. We do respond when the commenter has asked a question that requires an answer, and other users will sometimes respond to a comment when inspired to do so. But generally, I recommend that you take satisfaction from knowing that your comments are being read -- by the GP staff and by other GP readers -- and if we can ever assist you with a specific issue, by all means, feel free to comment here or, even better, contact our customer service department at (800) 431-2344 or by email at csinquiry@guideposts.org.
I do not know why I am writing here. I have done this before and have nether felt nor seen differences. I am reluctant to continue. Give me some assurance that this is not just busy work for me. May you have a fine holiday and my God bless you well. Sincerely, Jean Spelman
Jean, I am praying with you, for you. I understand what you are going through, not specifically of course, but generally. I also have reached a point of time where I am exhausted by all that is going on around me. It is hard to keep my spirits up, but I keep going through the motions. I am praying for both of us, that God would walk along side us, or even carry us, as we heal. That Jesus would be present to us in both big and small ways, but consistently, daily, hourly, to give us just that little boost of hope. God wants only the best for us. We may have things to work through, and times of trials, but if we allow, we are being refined, strengthened to be used by God. What's that saying "if you are going through hell, don't stop!"? So, in writing to you, I am telling you - don't stop. I won't if you won't. Let's just think of each other as walking this valley together, though maybe unseen, and climbing out of it. Somewhere in this valley there is also beauty. Look for that beauty. I honestly believe that God will lay us a path of beauty to lead us out. One day we will turn around and realize that we have made progress, that things are better, that we feel better, if only we keep walking with Him. I keep telling myself that all I know how to do is take the one step at a time, so that is what I will do. And one step at a time gets us there.
So, today, devotion time. Even five minutes. I will read and do devotions with my kids. We will work together and I will smile at them. I will thank God for each blessing, and try to see all the little touches He gives me. I will only worry about today. I will only deal with today. Dear Jean, walk this with me. I don't know who you are, but I am going to think of you as I take each step - to pray that you are walking alongside me too. To pray as you face your struggles too. Keep going. God loves us all, more than we can imagine. Hang onto that. Look for the refining fire. Look for the touches. Look for HIM. Just one small step at a time. One step. Jean - email me at mommyturtle@gmail.com if you get this, if you wish. Maybe we can share hope together. I never give out my email. But if you want, please do. I am praying for you. Each step I take, I will think of you too and send up more prayers.
Jean, God is with you! You are writing and continue to write because of the hope and faith he has placed in you. Trust Him, Jean. He hears you. Father, I pray that you continue allowing Jean to persevere. Grant her the peace she needs to know you are listening and answer her in your timely manner. When she is ready for you, soften her heart and open her eyes. Show her your Glory. Release her from her doubts and restore her faith in you. Father, I thank you for looking down upon Jean and I ask that you touch her, move in her and lead her to Jesus Christ her Lord and Savior. Amen.
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