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In my book published by Guideposts last year, The Promise of Hope: How True Stories of Hope and Inspiration Saved My Life and How They Can Transform Yours, I shared inspiring stories of people who had overcome tremendous obstacles to do great things using faith, prayer and positive thinking.
After considerable hesitation and soul searching, I also wove through the narrative my own personal story of battling addiction and depression, despair and spiritual isolation. It was the story of how, by some sort of strange miracle, I landed at Guideposts. I’m glad I told my story because the response has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive.
But not all of it. Last week I blogged about Texas Rangers star Josh Hamilton and his relapse with alcohol. People posted some interesting replies, but one woman took me to task. Why, she wanted to know, in my book did I break my anonymity? It was wrong, she said; I should know better. I had violated the 11th tradition.
Yes, I had, and she was by no means the first to call me on it.
For those of you who don’t know 12-step recovery program jargon, breaking your anonymity means saying you belong to a specific 12-step group. In my case it is A.A., Alcoholics Anonymous (oops, there I go again).
The 11th tradition of A.A. states, “We need always maintain our personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.”
Obviously there is plenty of room for interpretation there. The traditions were published more than 60 years ago and certainly couldn’t have conceived of the Internet or social media. The founders were visionaries but they were not clairvoyant. The 11th was an effort to protect A.A. from bad publicity, especially when public people relapsed publicly. It also created safety for those seeking help in a time when alcoholism was severely stigmatized as a personal and moral failing.
But that’s not really the point. The 11th tradition is spiritual in nature. We are all gloriously equalized by our disease and our desire to stop drinking. Whether you’re the doorman or you live in the penthouse, in an A.A. room you are all equal and equally embraced in the fellowship. It’s all just first names.
You never actually tell anyone outside the program that you are in A.A. Generally it’s permissible to say that you belong to a 12-step group, or are in recovery, or are staying sober a day at a time and go to meetings and have a sponsor and believe in a Higher Power. This is code, of course, but it technically honors the tradition. Still, almost everyone knows that you’re in A.A. You’re not fooling anybody.
For years and years I did not disclose to the Guideposts audience that I was even in recovery, let alone A.A. Then came the book. I tried to do the semantic tap dance that we A.A.s know so well. It didn’t work. Really, it didn’t.
To use that code all the way through the book felt truly bizarre and disingenuous, like I was in the recovery closet or something. One early reader of the manuscript who was not in A.A. and was a very astute editor said that my patent omission made A.A. seem like some sort of secret cult. That comment as much as anything got me to change my treatment of the subject. And of course I would never disclose the identity of any other member of the fellowship.
But I really don’t think I could have told my own story honestly, and getting sober is all about getting honest. A.A. teaches us that it is a program of suggestions, not rules, not dogma, not dos and don’ts. As revered as the traditions are, they are suggestions. I took that to heart. In baring my soul in a book, it felt dishonest not saying the patently obvious: I’m in A.A.
If you want to pillory me, here’s your chance. Post below.
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Edward Grinnan is Editor-in-Chief and Vice President of Guideposts Publications. Edward lives in New York City with two blondes—his wife, Julee, and Golden Retriever, Millie, who has been featured in his blog and popular videos. Edward loves cycling, hiking with Millie at his house in the Berkshire Hills and Wolverines that hail from Michigan.
Your Comments
Edward,you did an excellent job on your book,& I agree with you,It would not have been the same.I,along with hundreds of other's,I'm sure,
are very proud of you.It was told as it was.My brother was also an alcoholic & substance abuser.He died at 54 years old,he never got his life "right".I am very glad you did,you are an extremely talented writer.
Thank you for your candor and honesty. You will have helped many many more people than you ever could have by remaining silent. I applaud your courage. I had no interest in reading the book before. I intend to now as you have made it personal, and have had the courage to be honest and vulnerable in front of your readers. That is the true spirit of Guideposts - the spirit that first drew me to the magazine. It is a quality that I have been missing in the magazine for quite some time now. So once again, Thank you.
I am not a drinker but I come from a long, undistinguished line of alcoholics; wonderful, talented people who are not genetically able to withstand the affects and effects of this drug.
Your story is an excellent account of the dogging, harrowing life of an alcoholic and a wonderful testimony of the healing, redeeming power of Christ.
Alcoholics and their families can become hopeless so we need your open, honest testimony. Your book could not have have the same impact upon me if you had given an anonymous testimony.
Hi Ed:
I also belong to a 12 step program and I was told my an oldtime program member that if I want to break my anonymity that was my business but I could not break anyone else's unless I had their permission. Good on you! If your story helps someone else to recover that is fantastic. Keep up the good work.
Mariette
It is your anonymity you broke--not anyone else's...and I thought that was acceptable. You were sharing your experience, strength and hope and AA is a part of that. The only concern that I can see is that someone could think you as the spokesperson for AA--and if you accepted that position you would be violating a whole different tradition.
I'd wondered from reading some of the things you'd shared in your DGP devotions if you were a member of a program. It was inspiring to see how you journeyed.
This seems to always cause a stir when, the topic gets brought up. Roger Ebert came out and mentioned he had 35 years sober a few years back.
I give all credit to my higher power . With out God's direction into the program of AA, I wouldn't have all my years of sobriety today.
I think, where we get a bad rap is, the celebrities in Holly Wood doing the revolving door recovery. Having a higher bottom then the average person can be an albatross around your neck.
I wish you many more rears of continued sobriety one day at a time.
Chris
I failed to say in my prior comment that it is your program and your decision whether to break your anonymity. I break mine daily with last name just not at the level of press radio and film. I am sure you prayed much before your decision.
What I am taking you to task on is your comments in your last paragraph that AA is a program of suggestions and not rules. My prior comment explains my thoughts further.
I must say I have strong feelings about AA and its Traditions. What I say below is sincerely with love to all alcoholics and their families and friends who struggle with this disease.
I am uncomfortable with anyone using advise from any non AA member as to whether one should or should not include his experience with the AA program at the level of press radio and film. I question whether a non AA member knows the depth of why we honor our traditions, which have worked since they were written in the 40's.
Personally, I believe we should take into consideration whether we know definitely we will stay sober so that we are careful not to portray at the level press, radio and film doubt as to whether the program of AA works should we drink again. Many of us have seen many "stars" who say they are sober and are going to AA and soon we see them on TV or in magazines back into their full blown addiction.
Our AA Big Book says AA is a suggested "program". However, in the chapter The Dr.'s opinion on page xxix first paragraph it states "the only effort necessary to follow a few simple rules". We must be very careful as to what we are telling other alcoholics. Many have relapsed because they never worked or did not finish their steps (the rules) as is "advised" in the Big Book. The chapter "How it Works" clearly states "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program".
The first 164 pages of the Big Book is a TEXT BOOK" which teaches us what the first 100 did to get sober, one alcoholic with another. It gives us the text for what has worked for decades and how we can pass on to others what works rather than our opinion.
For those of us who have been hanging around this program for 25 to 30+ years teaching others from the text book of AA i.e. The Big Book, have great concerns that our program has been watered down by opinions outside of the text of The Big Book.
I tell my sponsees to look at it this way: my husband is a Latin teacher. If he is going to "teach" students Latin is he going to do it using his interpretation of Latin or is he going to follow his "text? What is he passing on to his students if it is only his interpretation and opinion.
I would like to know whether you discussed with your sponsor your decision to include the AA material in the book if you are will to share this information.
aa Tradition in questionbefore making your own interpretation of the Tradition before you wrote your book. We all have a story to tell but if we are going to make reference to AA let's be sure we get the information "out there" as to how it is written in our text.
Bravo for your courage, your faith, and your willingness to lead others in their recovery! I can understand how people want and expect privacy in their own battles with addiction but if you are willing to publicly discuss it, I think it should be commended and shared. How many people out there are feeling that trepidation when they think about attending an AA meeting and do not know what to expect? Being clandestine is one thing to protect privacy, but I think good role models should expose themselves when and if appropriate to assist those in doubt with seeking help.
Thanks for the wonderful article and God Bless.
To the lady who didn't think you should put your experiences in your book, I wonder if she ever thinks of how many people you may have helped. If ie was one, it was worth it, but I am sure it probably helped a lot more. A lot of people just give up. Your book may help many to know they can make it too. You could be an inspiration to many. I think it was very brave of you to do in your position, and I think it was a good thing to go. You can't get everyone to agree with you. I was married to an alcoholic, have had family members who were. I am for anything that can help anyone beat that addiction or any other addiction.
Hello! :)
Thank you SO much for being brave to share and be honest. If people do not all start becoming more honest, church and Christianity will seem unattenable, uninviting, on a pedestal that no one could even pretend to attain.
The Bible reminds us to confess our faults one another. It seems that it is to remind us that humility is a desired attribute, not pride which seems to be the cause of many failed lives, including satan.
It is interesting that the Bible is full of failures! It is one reason why I love it so much! I fit in ! Even David who was loved by God more than most people, sinned terribly when he was idle and not doing his job. God still forgave him.He had to pay consequences, but not the ultimate of unforgiveness and isolation from God.
It is curious that a book about God would be full of normal , faulty people. It seems that no matter how we try, we can not save ourselves. We must have a Savior and in many cases, we need others to assist us in the process of healing our hurts, bad habits etc. God saves us , but uses people to be part of the process.
We are truly a community in need of a personal God and a loving personal touch from others.
I am sadden that there are those who believe in a naturalistic belief that not all people deserve to live,
disabled, imperfect babies,elderly disabled, etc. I feel safer in a Christian environment where according to the Bible , we are all equal and equally encouraged by Christ to follow His example of loving and serving others.
It is the Christian self help method that works. When you are depressed, help someone else more depressed!
I read , probably, in Guideposts of a man and his older teenage son in a grocery store. The son was mentally challenged, I think that is the right term. He spontaneously
hugged an older gentleman in the store waiting in line next to him. The father was embarrassed and apologized profusely for his son's behavior. The older gentleman had a tear in his eye as he replied that it was ok. He had not been hugged in years and it felt good! Maybe the young man should have been called emotionally superior and others should be called emotionally challenged.
The point is we all have faults; all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. It is by sharing that we heal and let others know that they do can be healed and make it.
Yes, we may fail again , but God's loving arms are there to pick us up and move us forward again.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING! You gave me courage to work on my faults and know in Christ I can do all things, but I need Christ and others for my spiritual air, like I need the air that I breathe for my mortal body.
I love Guideposts, always have. Where else can you get so many encouraging stories from so many people!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! You are a great role model for the rest of us to bravely and honestly share our stories on our road to healing that we all travel. You are a fabulous editor,now we now you are a real human being too!
Hugs and blessings to you and yours! YOU MADE MY DAY! Grateful for Guideposts where you can find encouragement!
Sincerely,
Carrie N. and family
The proper term for the young man who hugged an old man, who began to cry is "developmentally disabled". I know this because my cousin Paul deals with such a condition on a daily basis!! I myself have struggled with the Alcoholism of my Dad, David who has been sober since I was 8 years old, I'm 34 now. As well as my brother Matthew (age 28), who just celebrated two years sober yesterday! Way to go Matthew!! I remember going through my childhood feeling different from my peers... Although Dad didn't drink at home, I noticed his erractic behaviors, mood-swings, and angry outbursts!! There is so much MORE to Alcoholism than the "allergy to booze"!
Someday, I will publish my own life story... Maybe Guideposts will allow me to submit a bit of poetry, as a "resume" of my work!!
Blessings & God's Peace to All,
Michelle G. a writer who survived three separate rapes, PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury, ADHD, Central Auditory Processing Deficit, and being born Visually Impaired
My Dear Brother in Christ,
I am in the other fellowship; the family of AA members called Al Anon. For you to break YOUR anonymity, I believe, is YOURS to do; your story, your business, your input. I believe that Bill W and Joe S. based all of the Big Book on REAL scripture and were well aware of the verse, "They were known by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony". I believe that you helped so many who believe that their failing will keep them out of church and heaven. Thank you for the integrity of your honesty.
I read your book and thought your honesty was a compelling part of the whole book. I did not know that the principles of AA include not mentioning it, but, for what it's worth, I agree with your choice.
God Bless you for having the courage to admit you're not perfect, I think a lot of times we think people in the public eye shouldn't fail or fall like everyone else, forgetting all along that they're just as human as anyone else.
This was a great blessing.We often think when our love ones has a addiction what did i do wrong or only if i such got them help.Those who has not walk in other shoes real do not know.No one wake up one day and decides i gone to be a alcohol or addicted,no more than some one decides to have a terminal illness.But we all know what God tell us we can hate the sin but lover the sinner.God loves us all,and he still a miracle healing God.We such trust him ask for forgiveness and believe in him completely.Thank You for sharing your testimony.
I enjoyed your book very much, in fact, I found it riveting and read it aloud to a friend during a beach vacation. It did not strike me that you were violating any of the traditions. I think it is your choice whether or not to break your anonymity. I am sure you have helped an inspired a lot of people, myself included, so thank you!
I have read your book and appreciate the genuine honesty of its content. I have also recommended it to others. Coming forth with one's own struggles is never an easy thing; however, in the right context and for the right purpose, it is the appropriate path to follow. I am certain that you did not reveal those struggles lightheartedly; it was probably, I would imagine, a most difficult decision. It certainly would have been the easy thing to do. But that is not what life's path is about sometimes, is it? Christ certainly never took that journey of ease but was faithful to the task His Heavenly Father gave him--thorns and all. It is my prayer that you are at peace with your decision to include your story and continue to trust that through baring those truths, it has been a source of encouragement to others as they face their own demons and see hope of overcoming. May God continue to bless you with His wisdom and courage.
I believe that sharing of the A.A. is honoring the wish of opening up others to the well-being of those needing the program.
The biggest difference in the way of the media now and how it was before the internet became the usual was how "anonymous" was actually handled by the press.
I still have stiff memories of being chased by cameraman and press representative for a huge scandal when I was a teenager.
Thank you for opening up about this.
My husband was sober for the last 18 years of his life--we had almost 20 years together--which we might not have had, had there not been AA and ALANON in our lives. My understanding is that it is an individual's choice as to whether or not to reveal their AA membership. Thank you for choosing to help others by revealing your story.
I recently purchased your book on my NOOK and have just finished reading it. I want to thank you for this book. My love affair with alcohol lasted 5 years but was intense none-the-less. I will be praying that you continue in the path God has prepared for you.
God bless,
Lois
I believe your revealing your membership in AA underscores Jesus' entreaty to "come just as you are." We humans all have issues. This piece has prompted me to order a copy of your book. I too am a journalist by profession. My addictions are other than drink, drugs or tobacco -- but addictions they are. God bless you, Edward!!!!
By unusual coincidence, I read your excellent book on a flight to Copenhagen! Imagine my curiosity. My first trip, and I just had to find Grundtvig's Church. For those of you who have not yet read the book, this church is an inspiring part of Edward's compelling story. Thank you for your honesty. Sharing God's grace in your life as an encouragement for so many readers far outweighs any concern over Step 11. You made the right choice.
Thanks everyone for these wonderful posts. Your sharing means so much to me. Bless you all. -E
Your book was excellent and an eye-opener to me. It helped explain how alcohol grabs you and doesn't let you go. While I have been blessed not to have gone down that road, many I love have and it opened my eyes to their struggles. You truly helped me a great deal -- it was like I was walking right along with you on the journey. EXCELLENT READ and I think the lady who was critical -- just isn't there yet on a level of healing to understand. Sometimes sharing our depths of despair and pain -- we are able to lift others up -- lighten their journey! God bless you for your courage and God's gift to you of being able to write so beautifully!
I appreciate your honesty. My daughter is now 11 years sober and doing well and I can somewhat appreciate your struggles and your journey. It IS an ongoing struggle and you are now in my prayers, along with Josh and my daughter, every day.
I have not read your book but now I want to. Anonymity at the level of press and films is very important, but what if Betty Ford had remained anonymous? Her "coming out" about her struggles and founding the Betty Ford Clinic has helped millions of people, including some beloved family members. Thank you for your courage. It's a difficult choice you had to make, but congratulations on your recovery. It is a miracle.
Thank you, Rzrcat. Betty Ford is an excellent example. -E
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