Blessed Be the Family Ties

A mother with an empty nest finds she's not so alone when a cousin she never knew enters her life.

Martha Whiteley and her cousin, Ellen

I stared at the Christmas tree and sighed. I had a lot of decorating to do. Those branches were pretty bare.

Like the branches of my family tree, I thought. I was thinking a lot about family these days. Or lack of family, I guessed. My husband and I were still mourning the recent deaths of both sets of parents, and I was more aware than ever of how little family I actually had.

With my two sons off at college, the walls of my house and my heart echoed with emptiness.

Years ago I had sketched a family tree for one of my son’s classes, based on research my sister-in-law had uncovered. Many of the branches were cut short—people either didn’t marry, passed away early or we didn’t know enough about them to fill in the details.

I need to be satisfied with the family tree I have, I decided as I hung an ornament onto our Christmas tree.

Outside the mailman pulled up. “Got a fresh batch for ya,” he said when I met him on the porch.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the mail from him. On top of the pile was a handwritten envelope addressed to me. The return address label revealed a nearby part of the state and under it was written the surname of my great-grandmother.

Hochwald Family, I read. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Curious, I sat down at the kitchen table and opened the letter:

“Dear Martha, my name is Ellen. I was doing some genealogy research when I came across your mother’s obituary and saw your name. Are you related to Emma Stuhler? If so, our grandmothers were first cousins. That makes us third cousins!”

Third cousins? I finally had a cousin! Maybe not a first cousin to fill in those near branches on my family tree, but she was a start. “How did you find me?” I called her up to ask.

“I’ve done a lot of research, much of it online,” she explained. “That’s where I found your mother’s obituary.”

“You must really know your stuff.”

“I’ve traced our family back to northern Germany,” she said proudly. “There are dozens of us. I’ve got so much to show you!”

We made plans to get together. Ellen promised to show me her research. I dug out boxes of old photographs and official documents. Maybe there was family history inside.

Ellen and her two children came over for tea one afternoon while my two boys were home for Christmas break. We had a full house.

“Here’s my grandmother’s wedding certificate, and a picture with her mother, Martha, after whom I am named,” I told Ellen. We sat on my couch with a stack of papers and photographs. My family felt like it was getting bigger by the minute.

After Ellen left I admired our Christmas tree, each branch weighed down with lights and decorations. My family tree was almost as full.

Ellen and I stay in touch on Facebook. We can’t wait to compare family artifacts again. Ellen has more genealogy research she wants to do. And I’d like to help her.

Now, the branches of our family tree are becoming full with the names of relatives from near and far away. Maybe one day we will get to visit our relatives in person with trips to other states as well as Canada, Europe and even Asia.

I’d been mourning a family that seemed to be shrinking. Now that family was growing and spreading all over the world. There was no better Christmas gift.

 

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