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Perfect Partners

For a control freak like her, the tango was more than just a dance. And Angelo became more than just a partner.

By Antoinette Rainone, Oradell, New Jersey

As appeared in

“Nothing big for my birthday this year,” I warned my husband, Angelo. “No surprises, okay?”

“Don’t worry about it, Antoinette,” he said. I wasn’t sure if I trusted him, though. Angelo was such a sentimental guy. It was hard to imagine he wouldn’t want to celebrate this birthday “milestone.”

The last thing I wanted for my 50th was some over-the-top bash with tons of people. Angelo loved parties, especially surprise parties. Me? I hated surprises.

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I guess you could say I’m a bit of a control freak. All right, more than a bit. I write lists for everything. I make lists of lists I need to make! Angelo? He’s the exact opposite. Happy-go-lucky. Laid-back. Impetuous. Romantic.

His calm attitude kept me grounded through the big stuff, like when my father was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and Angelo was my rock. When it came to the small stuff, that was a different story.

I worried Angelo would be late picking up our eight-year-old son, Joseph, from school. Or that he wouldn’t get dinner ready in time. I was constantly leaving him notes and reminders. My birthday was one more thing to worry about. And a surprise was the last thing I needed.

I hated feeling my life was out of control. I’d sworn that would never happen again. And I knew one thing: I would never allow a man to control my life again.

Before I met Angelo, I went through a difficult divorce. At 36, after 10 years of marriage, all my plans were in ruins. My life list was in tatters. I desperately wanted to put the past behind me and trust God with the future. But in the back of my mind, I had my doubts. Could I ever trust again?

Which was maybe why I became even more of a control freak. I spent weekends holed up at home. Going out and trying to meet another guy was asking for trouble, asking for my life to be turned upside down. Finally my mom suggested tango lessons. Seriously! She’d heard of a six-week course at a nearby high school. 

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I’d taken tap lessons with Fred Kelly–younger brother of Gene–as a kid. I liked the structure of tap, even then–learning steps, nice and neat. I wanted to feel like that again. But I couldn’t find a dance partner. I’d asked some of the guys at work–they’d all gone pale at the word tango.

My sister, Joanne, had promised to join me in the lessons. The week before they were going to start, she dragged me to a fifties dance club to knock some rust off our dancing skills. All at once she was pointing to someone across the room and nudging me. I put on my glasses to take a look.

A tall guy with long, curly black hair. He was wearing a billowy white shirt. Very Pirates of Penzance. I needed a tango partner, right? This guy fit the bill perfectly, down to the outfit. Before I could talk myself out of it, I marched over to him and introduced myself.

“Sono Angelo,” he said after an awkward pause. “Io non parlo Inglese. Sono Italiano.” His friend Marcos translated. Angelo was from Italy, on a two-month- long vacation visiting family in New Jersey.

Even better, I thought. No chance this would turn into anything, and normally I’d run the other direction from a shirt like that.

“You guys want to tango with us next week?” I asked. I did a little dance to demonstrate, putting up my arms tango-style. “Tannnggo?”

Angelo’s face lit up. His eyes danced. “Si, tango! Mi piace il tango.”

Read Antoinette Rainone's blog, Find Your Wings Now.