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Funny Quotes

Everyone loves a good laugh. That’s why we’ve gathered these funny quotes: to put a smile on your face. Our collection of funny sayings from humor columnists, comedians, and authors will definitely leave you laughing. And don’t miss the funny quotes from signs outside local churches that Guideposts readers found and share here.

 

 With a twinkle in his eyes, my friend says that his favorite prayer is 'Lord, give me patience; give it to me right now.' 
- Billy Graham, evangelist and author
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 You're only old when your back goes out more than you do. 
- Fayard Nicholas, legendary tap dancer
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 Seven days without laughter makes one weak. 
- Mort Walker, creator of "Beetle Bailey" comic strip
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 Faith is having the patience to wait, knowing that all things will be done in God's time. I only wish I owned one of his watches. 
- Kathy Buckley, comedienne
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 The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it. 
- Albert Einstein, physicist
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 Gray hair is God’s graffiti. 
- Bill Cosby, comedian
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 After listening to people gripe and complain, just smile and remember ... crows can't hang with eagles. 
- Joel Osteen, pastor and author
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 Once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. 
- Charles M. Schulz, cartoonist and creator of Peanuts
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 A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. 
- Billy Graham, evangelist and author
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 If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! 
- Jonathan Winters, comedian
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 Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!' 
- Robert Orben, magician and comedy writer
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 Gossip is like a nasty virus. If you learn to cover your mouth you won't spread the germs. 
- submitted by Audrey Harvey of Antioch, Tennessee
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 I am in sales, not management. 
- Rev. Richard Knight, North Andover, Massachusetts, when asked if he could improve the weather
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 God sprinkles us with Miracle-Gro. 
- Rev. Milton Newton, Lanett, Alabama
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