Funny Quotes

Everyone loves a good laugh. That’s why we’ve gathered these funny quotes: to put a smile on your face. Our collection of funny sayings from humor columnists, comedians, and authors will definitely leave you laughing. And don’t miss the funny quotes from signs outside local churches that Guideposts readers found and share here.

I am in sales, not management.

- Rev. Richard Knight, North Andover, Massachusetts, when asked if he could improve the weather

God sprinkles us with Miracle-Gro.

- Rev. Milton Newton, Lanett, Alabama

A vacation is having nothing to do, and all day to do it in.

- Robert Orben, Magician and comedy writer

A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

- Sign in front of Macedonia Baptist Church, East Jackson, Tennessee

We did it because we didn’t have the sense to know it couldn’t be done.

- Sid Caesar, Comedian

What really scares me most, more than nukes or cancer, is a man or woman without a sense of humor.

- Jonathan Winters, Comedian

Heavenly forecast: Reign Forever

- Church sign in Johnson City, Texas

Even Jesus had a fish story.

- Sign in front of a church in Cleveland, Oklahoma

If you are able to laugh, you are the owner of the world.

- Roberto Benigni, Italian comedian and Oscar-winning director

Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game.—God

- Billboard on an Arizona highway

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