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A Faith Fueled by Forgiveness Bonds Victim and Assailant
A former state trooper turns to God when his bitter hatred threatens to overwhelm him.
As appeared in 
I shifted on the couch, searching for some way to sit without my legs and back aching. I’d lived—if that was even the word—with this constant pain for four years now. But that was only part of what was bothering me tonight. I sat for an hour, pen poised above a sheet of white notebook paper inside a binder. I needed to write this letter, wanted to believe it could make a difference. But the words wouldn’t come.
It was Marian, my wife, who had urged me to do this. “You can’t go on keeping this inside of you,” she told me. There was plenty I wanted to say. I wanted the slimeball who did this to me to know my agony. I wanted to tell him what he’d taken from me—my job as a Wyoming state trooper, my self-worth, my very will to live.
But the worst was the anger, a raw, festering hatred that smoldered inside of me. If only I’d killed Mark Farnham when I’d had the chance. At least I’d have that satisfaction. So many times I’d asked God to take this burden from me. Instead, nearly every waking hour, and then at night in my dreams, I relived that day.
I was eating lunch at the Country Kitchen in Rock Springs, taking a break from working the fender benders occasioned by a March snow. I hadn’t bothered wearing my bulletproof vest. I knew I’d be spending most of the day writing accident reports.
My radio crackled: bank robber in a tan vehicle possibly headed up Highway 430. I swallowed the last bite of my chiliburger, extra onions, left my money on the table and rushed out.
Just past milepost 13 I saw a car matching the description and pulled it over. I hit the mike to call dispatch with my badge number: “Rock Springs, 105, a tan Mercu—”
BOOM! A bullet pierced the windshield and tore into my eye. It felt like it was on fire. I opened my door for cover, only to slump onto the passenger seat, my service revolver underneath me. “Shots fired! Officer down,” I screamed into the radio. I looked up. There was a man standing over me. Mostly I saw the barrel of his pistol. He pumped four more bullets into me, then ran.
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Somehow I lurched out of the cruiser and emptied my .357 Magnum into the back of his car as it sped away. Blood was everywhere. Stay calm, I told myself, lowering myself to the pavement. I’d never been one to pray, but now I begged God to look after me and Marian. We’d been married only six months. We were just kids in our twenties. Let her know I love her, I prayed. I felt as if I were drifting away from myself. Then the world went dark.
I woke the next morning in intensive care. My father was holding my hand, Marian next to him. They told me the doctors had removed my eye, part of my liver and most of my intestines. One of the bullets was lodged against my spine and couldn’t be safely removed.
“It’s a miracle you’re alive, Stephen,” Marian said.
At first that’s how I saw it too. Two months later I was back on the force. A few bullets weren’t gonna keep me down. I came from tough Wyoming stock. I could take care of myself. But inside something was wrong. Something I didn’t know how to fix. Patrolling filled me with dread. My hands trembled when I pulled someone over. I’d never known such fear. It was overwhelming.
And so was the physical pain. I took pain pills to get through the day. At night I drank beer until I fell asleep. That’s when the night terrors would come: blood raining down on me. Every night I woke screaming and crying, Marian holding me. “I’m right here,” she’d say. “It’s going to be okay.” But I knew better.
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Your Comments
What a beautiful story. It was so beautiful it made me cry. Linda Luke, I am praying for you, honey.
Oh my, we need to give a thousand kudos to Marian Watt...a true ANGEL. Who, after only 6 months of marriage stayed by her husband's side to encourage him to do better things. After leaving my previous(long) comment, I re-read this story. "The way to defeat hate is with love"...I am adding this to my 'goal' list to try harder for that inner peace. Wishing the Watts well.
I read your heartbreaking story with tears in my eyes. Then I noticed this comment added. I don't want this to come out the wrong way. But, yes, kudos to Marian Watt and to all the spouses and caregivers out there. Who no fault of their own, find themselves with a devastating change of life's plan. It kind of sounds to me that you may need some validation for you taking care of your husband.
If you took the traditional wedding vows, it says, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, for better or worse, to heart, then you have the power to forgive.
I'm in a similar situation and there are some days that I feel like I can't go on. But only with God's grace have I been able to make it. For me, for my husband and my children. Setting an example that you don't leave when the going gets tough.
You will be in my prayers, you have the strength to do this. God is with you, he kept your husband alive for a reason. Forgiveness is only hard when you close your heart. Open and honesty will set you free.
I have read countless stories about forgiveness. Mr. Watt's story is inspiring, fueled by the fact that our Awesome God did step in that day to make sure neither man died. I enjoyed reading this story because it hits home for me. I am a Christian, I do believe in God's power, but forgiveness?? I struggle with that everyday.My husband's life was over in mere seconds due to a truck driver obviously in a bad mood, who took his anger out on my husband. We will never know if that man was drunk, tired, depressed, uninsured, an illegal immigrant or just late for work himself.My was a victim of a hit-n-run motorcycle accident on his way to work August 2009...just a month before our 10th wedding anniversary. This truck driver first cut him off too close hitting his front tire causing damage to fender. The driver was leaving the scene, probably unaware that he had even hit anything. My husband chose to catch up with the driver (was in 25 mph rush hour traffic). According to a witness, he flipped up his helmet visor to get the driver's attention. The driver apparently did not like that, so INTENTIONALLY swerved his wheel into the bike, knocking my husband off. He again left the scene, no one got a license number, which to this day infuriates me! Two Good Samaritans stopped to help,performing life-saving CPR. CHP wrote it off & refused to pull camera film or investigate since there was no license plate to run. My husband is alive today...but with a severe brain injury & partial paralysis. We lost our home, his employer terminated him at 12 wks, lost our savings, lost insurance benefits after 18mos,lost companionship & intimacy...our lives, as we knew them, were over. Over time even friends have fallen away, not able to deal with his changes. He will never work again, never walk, never drive. Although he has defied the doctor's prognosis in some ways, others he will never be the same. He will always require care. Forgiveness for me is hard. I too, was like Mr. Watt...wanting that truck driver to be suffering. Maybe he is and we will never know. I question whose lesson this is to learn...his or ours? My husband did not deserve this, neither did I. I have tried to forgive that man, but not sure I can yet. I look forward to each day that my husband recognizes me, hugs me & says 'I love you'. He is alert, aware, recognizes some people. I am the only one giving him any kind of therapy (insurance restraints)so it makes it difficult for me to work a regular job. We are working on speech, is very limited...but he can read small words, he knows his name & family members...but does not remember the accident. I encourage him to do the facility activities and we attend Bible study on Fridays together. It was in Bible Study when I first heard him sing a chorus to a familiar hymn!! God has left him in my care for a reason...together I hope that we will know someday what our purpose is; just as Mr. Watt knew he had to go to the jail & visit his assailant. Please pray for us to have more improvement and for the strength & faith to forgive. Thanks & Blessings to all.
To Linda,
Your comment is heartbreaking!
My prayer will be with you so that words from apostle Paul"s letter belows are fulfilled in your family:
"--- the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.
--- He who rescued us from so deadly a peril will continue to rescue us ; on him we have set our hope that he will rescue us again" (2 Corinthians 1: 3,4,...10)
May God be with you always.
____________________________________
To Mr Edward Grinnan,
Thank you for posting "Left for Fead by Stephen Watt.
I emailed the story to my friends hoping to happen more forgiving among us. Yes, any act of forgiving itself is real
blessings from God. Thank you and bless you.
God bless Marian and Stephen.
can we help Linda? I will gladly join in even small.
It took me four years to forgive my old boss who I did everything to make his job easier for him but he turned his back on me once he knew how to do my job and then he let me go. I thought that was hard but reading Stephen's story of forgivenes that just blew everything away. That only happened with the help of God.
What an awesome story! I am so grateful to Stephen for sharing it. I have experienced forgiveness and healing that can only come from God and this story reminded me that these miracles continue to happen every day.
what an amazing story...it lets me know God can soften the hearts of anyone under any circumstance ...I am patiently and prayerfully waiting for that day..I had a 17yr friendship that ended three yrs ago ..I have reached at in love kindness asked for forgiveness for my part of the disagreement and still havent heard from my friend ..but just about everyday I pray believe and thank God that we will speak again...please join me in that prayer and belief...be blessed...
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