A Military Wife's Mission
After a serious injury in Iraq, this soldier needed his wife. Her inspiring story shows the strength it took to help him heal.
Since the Iraq war began five years ago, more than 30,000 American servicemen and women—including my husband, Kenny, a Marine master sergeant—have been wounded. In one sense, that's actually a hopeful number. Battlefield medics these days are so skilled they're saving soldiers who, in any other war, would've died.
That's what happened to Kenny. During a firefight in Najaf a bullet ricocheted off an armored personnel carrier and pierced his head, entering under his right eye and exiting the left side of his skull. Medics kept him alive long enough to fly to a Baghdad military hospital. In a matter of days he was on his way to America.
Unfortunately, that's not where the story ends. Not for Kenny, not for anyone else with war wounds, especially the thousands suffering what has become Iraq's signature injury, traumatic brain damage. For those warriors and their families, a battlefield injury is like the start of a whole new war—not only to heal, but to navigate an often overwhelmed military medical system.
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That, too, is what happened to Kenny—and to me. Up to the day Kenny was wounded I was what you could call a typical Marine wife. After—well, let's just say I've discovered a fighting strength I never knew I had.
I first began to realize what we were up against the day Kenny arrived at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. It was five days after his injury and I was frantic. The only information I'd had came from patchy cell phone calls to officers and doctors in Iraq.
I'd had to drop everything—I taught aerobics at a YMCA near Camp Pendleton, where we lived with our two teenagers, Tasha and Alishia—figure out who would take care of the girls and board a red-eye to Maryland. I'd even had to put off seeing Kenny to fill out a financial hardship application to afford the rooming house provided for relatives of the wounded.
When I got upstairs to the intensive-care unit I saw a bank of monitors near the nurses' station. One, identified by Kenny's Social Security number, glowed with an X ray of a shattered skull. I drew a sharp breath and asked for the room number. I was starting down the hall when a doctor grabbed my arm. "Ma'am, why don't you sit here first and let me brief you on his injuries."
I stared at the doctor, incredulous. What could possibly be more soothing to Kenny than the loving presence of his wife? "I'm sorry," I said. "He needs me. I don't care how bad he looks. I've been waiting five days to see him and I'm going to his room right now."
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The doctor let go of my arm and I hurried to Kenny's room. I paused at the door to compose myself then walked in. I didn't recognize him. His head was swollen and disfigured, marked with dried blood and rows of staples. He lay passively, hooked to massive machines.
"Kenny, it's me," I said softly, trying not to cry. "Squeeze my hand if you know who I am." His head didn't move. But he squeezed my hand.
The following weeks I discovered that the disorienting experiences of those first days were only the beginning. Kenny and I had met in high school, married young, and for the next 17 years, raised our girls on bases around the country.
We knew a lot about being a Marine family. But nothing had prepared me for all the paperwork, decisions and medical terminology that came at us. I didn't go to college and had no medical or legal training. I had to rely on my wits every time I was asked to sign something.
Early on I was presented with documents that would have retired Kenny from active duty, transferring his care to the Veterans Administration. I didn't know exactly what that meant. But something about it seemed wrong. Didn't they think he would get better? I didn't sign the papers.
I soon realized I had to be equally vigilant about Kenny's care. His injury had left him with near-total amnesia and great difficulty speaking. Doctors and therapists worked hard with him. Some were incredibly dedicated. But there were many patients on the ward, and the staff was pulled in many directions.