Meant to Be Together
A recently widowed mother's leap of faith is rewarded and a daughter's last wish granted.
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print"Mom,” my 35-year-old daughter, Sherry, said softly, “you need to get a life.”
“A life?” I said. “Sweetie, you are my life.” I was massaging my daughter’s feet like I did every day, trying to take her mind off the pain her cancer was inflicting, a cancer about which nothing more could be done. How could I think about “having a life” when my daughter’s was draining away?
“I know, Mom. I don’t know what I’d do without you. But you need to find someone. That’s what Dad wanted. That’s what I want.”
Nine months earlier cancer had taken my husband, Greg. By then Sherry was sick, so I more or less moved in with her, her husband, Chris, and their two adorable Yorkies, Rose and Olivia.
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Together we cared for Sherry even as she was losing her battle against the disease. But she was right. Her care had become my reason for living. What other purpose did I have? What else was a mother for?
Yet my daughter knew me so well! She knew how lonely I felt without her dad, how much I missed the comfort of his touch, his soothing baritone voice, even his bald head. Especially now when I needed someone to lean on, to share my tears with.
I’d tried to fill the emptiness inside me with prayer. I knew God loved me and was with me, but still there were moments when I felt so alone. Panic would creep over me. Then I’d catch myself and think, How selfish to worry about yourself when your daughter is dying!
So I focused all of my being on my daughter’s care. Nothing else mattered.
“Dad wanted you to remarry,” Sherry said, her voice sleepy. “And I don’t want to leave you alone. That would be horrible. You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I think you should go on a dating website.”
Sherry was right. It was a crazy idea. I was tempted to ignore it. I knew she was worried about me, but this wasn’t the solution. “Promise me, Mom,” Sherry said before drifting off to sleep.
I couldn’t renege on a promise to my dying child, so that night, just as Sherry had instructed, I typed in the web address for a relationship site she thought was right though it felt so wrong. I forced myself to fill out a long and complicated questionnaire. Some questions were very personal and several times I came close to hitting the escape key. I appreciated, though, the opportunity to state that my faith was central to my life.
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Then the last question: What more should a possible match know about you? I took a deep breath and typed, “My daughter has terminal cancer and she is my life right now. Why would I be on a dating site? She is encouraging me to move on with my life, and what a treat it would be if you had the opportunity to meet her. She is an angel.”
I hit submit, not with any sense of expectation, only the satisfaction that I had carried out Sherry’s wish. And maybe it would be fun for us to look at the responses together. Responses? Who was I kidding? A recent widow about to lose her child? What sort of man would understand that? On a dating site no less?
I had to crack a smile. My daughter was really something else. No wonder I loved her more than anything in the world.
It turned out to be good fun. Each day we checked out the profiles the site determined best matched mine, giggling like sorority sisters while Rose and Olivia yapped and jumped. Sherry was so into it I believe it took her mind off her pain.
I was glad I’d given in to her crazy idea. We saw suave, successful businessmen. Men who were into ballroom dancing, tennis, skydiving. Men who wanted someone to sail around the world with them.
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Your Comments (37)
We would enjoy receiving info on your book when it is published. We wish you the best.
Barb & Bob Conover
My wife died suddenly in June '11. I followed your same path wondering what I was doing at eharmony. But I completed
it! I found the same people, but that was not what I was looking for. Just someone to share what I have, hold a hand and just talk to on the beach. After 60 matches Debbie was sent to me. We emailed a few days then she said, my membership ends on Sunday, here is me email if you want to talk. She lost her husband 6 years earlier. She was down to earth, back yard bbq, dogs and no one to share them with. We emailed for a month. We had boats, rv's, motorcycles and pets. We were the same! We met at a campground where we were both members for a pinic. She glided to me like an angel tip toed up for a kiss and hug. Like I had known her for years. Everything was perfect. 6 months now. She was a lost ship at sea, she is now in my harbor. Your story is our story. Her friend read your story and told us "is this you"? Pray works. I"m in L.A., she is in Lancaster. Thank you, Bob.
Thank you Bob! How wonderful to read your story. Sharing is so much a part of my life and has been so healing for both Larry and me. Please stay in touch. Rhonda
I am in a very difficult situation myself at the moment. My son and daughter-in-law have only been married a year, and are trying conceive. Unfortunately, my daughter-in-law's mother is very ill with stage 4 abdominal cancer that is spreading everywhere. Since the mom has lived with them for all this time and has been in the hospital for most of this last month, my daughter-in-law is so worried about her mother, she has not yet been able to conceive. My daughter-in-law's father passed away about 7 years ago - before she and my son met each other. My daughter-in-law is trying so hard to be there for her mom, I don't know how to advise her. Her mom thinks there may be a miracle in her future, and wants her daughter to pray to keep her alive longer, even though she is pain. The hospital personnel think she should be in a hospice situation soon. Just pray for them all and acceptance of whatever God has in store for them. Thank you.
Dear Juanita,
I'm sorry for the pain your daughter-in-law, and the entire family is going through right now. It isn't easy to lose a loved one or to see them in pain. I think your last statement drives it home. Towards the end of Sherry's life, I realized one of her greatest gifts from God was...The Gift of Acceptance. She wrote a beautiful essay about that very thing. Thanks for reading our story.
Bless you,
Rhonda Hayes
Rhonda, may God bless you and Larry. It's as if Sherry's final purpose was to help "connect" you to your next phase in life before she "connected" to her next phase, which is eternal. To Guidepost: I am completely disgusted and disappointed that you would allow such psychopathic rantings, such as those from Denise, to pollute a site which is dedicated to inspiration. It's obvious that this person is a hostile internet "troller" whose intention is nothing better than to incite confusion, ugliness, and hatred. Either that, or she needs deep prayer or intensive therapy. I can't believe you ever allowed such digusting comments on such a positive site.
Dear LB Johnson,
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I absolutely agree with you regarding Sherry's final purpose of wanting to see that I was in good hands. She is smiling down from heaven...I have no doubt.
Bless you for reading our story and taking the time out of your day to post a comment. I continue to write the entire story.
Rhonda Hayes
www.rhondahayes.com
Dear bleveridge,
I was always aware of the possibility that someone "out there" would say something negative about what I did.
By Guideposts allowing people to express their true selves, I have to trust that it's a way for more prayers to reach them.
Regardless of any adversity we face, in the end, the most precious part of living always funnels down to one simple place…the ability to feel and express our love.
With much respect, Rhonda Hayes www.rhondahayes.com
God bless you Rhonda and your dearly beloved Larry. Awesome story. God works in mysterious ways. May you be blessed for all your care and concern during your daughter's illness. She is happy and pain-free!
Dear ShirleyAnn,
Thank you for your kind words. Sherry told me before she passed away, that she was the lucky one who got to go to Heaven now. She never felt sorry for herself or gave up on her fight against her cancer. She was an old soul who knew when God was calling her.
Bless you,
Rhonda Hayes
www.rhondahayes.com
God brought these two people together, how in the world could you possibly think of it being perverted? I think it is wonderful that these two can share the pain they have and help one another through that. God bless them all.
I was so touched by your story, Rhonda. It brought tears to my eyes. I am SO happy for you. I am hoping you can ignore the message written by Denise G. I am appalled! It is evident this person does not have a lot of Love in her heart. I am also a Christian and never met anyone who would write such a hateful thing. She must be a very unhappy person. I am sure your late husband and daughter are really happy for you and are looking over you from Heaven. This is what life is about - until we meet again. God does not want you to spend the rest of your life by yourself. I see His Loving Hands in all this. I wish you and Larry many happy years together. Yvette from Canada XOX
Well,Sounds like the Old Devil to me..I am a Christian..When a Mother is grievng the loss of a Husband and a Child is Dying of Cancer. Why in the world would they want to engage with a perveted situation and drag a stranger amoung the Holyness of a Family..Mom has a life time of Blessings for her own Family..Why would a stanger Demonic and Satanic in Nature the whoe I de is Evil.I rebuke this Reality and Know they are Evil Stories.Jesus is what it is Jesus is all of what it is..What a Whirlwind of Emotions to create the ties that Bind aother to the cript of unnecesarry death...Lord have Mercy on the Souls...That Breed incest and pervison among the Christian...Adultry and Fornatude is the down Fall of Christianity..Love..is Pure Clean and Holy the Salutation to draging another light is Wicked and Evil...I Bind up the Evil and I cast off...Lord Set me Free of the double edemnity of the Devil....
I am who I am I am all of who I am I am all of what it is to be for me I am a Solidier f For the Lord...Amen Jesus protect me ffrom this pervesion...No scripture base for this perverted story....I rebuke it in the Name of Jesus...
@ Denise: You are a VERY sick person! You are perverted, probably beyond help! Do us all a favor and never share your diabolic thoughts again! I am not Christian and have the utmost respect for people's emotions, religious beliefs, and and their freedom of speech. However, Christian or not, you cannot deny Rhonda's dignity is first class, and your words cannot change that. Christian or not, you cannot deny that you are a cruel and envious person. I'm so moved by this story of love, courage, and a daughter's last wish for her mommy. How dare you even write one negative word about this family? PLEASE, I urge you, seek mental help.
Rhonda, I wish you all the peace and happiness in the world; you've had too much anguish to bare any more heartache. Best wishes, for you and all your loved ones.
Dear Denise,
I felt an overwhelming sense of knowing in reading your response that your struggle is something you have known about for some time. I am hopeful that this message will find you and hit your heart. I feel compassion and with compassion I want to gently suggest that you deserve to take care of your mental health. I hope you get all the help you need and deserve.
Denise,
I'm not sure if you are a fundamenalist or just MENTAL?... Everyone deserves love in their life. My mom lost my dad to a heart attack when she was 47!. Several years later she married a wonderful man but he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a year and a half into their marriage and died 3 months later. My mom is SO very lonely and I would love her to find a good man like Rhonda did but she is afraid of loving and losing again. Why judge? You seem to be a very lonely person filled with hatred and can't seem to find educated and appropriate words to reply with. I hope you get the help you obviously need.
Rhonda, God Bless Larry, he was at your daughter's side telling her what she was waiting to hear before she left her body to join her Dad in Heaven. I hope you two have a lasting love!!
shame on you for saying what you wrote...her Daughter requested this from her mom. This was her daughters wish, for her not to be alone.Life goes on,and she cared about her Daughter and Husband. Read the Bible it clearly says you find someone if you are lonely.For you being a Christian you are judgmental.
I don't understand what exactly you were trying to comment about Denise....very confusing
I think that Denise might be mentally ill.
Thank you for sharing this heart touching story.I went through the same situation myself.My daughter was very sick from cancer and the doctors gave her less then 6months to live. My husband died 10yrs ago so my daughter and me lived together she was only 20yrs old. Then one day she told me that mum Iam ready to go when Gods calling cames but one thing is holding me back is you and why dont you find someone who could be with you.Oh my God where can I find that someone so she put my profile on christian site,but still I was not sure if I could do this.So we both kept on going to church and praying, Now she is healed by the grace of our almighty Lord.Praise the Lord.The doctors also told her that she cannot have babies but our loving Lord God has blessed her so now she is 3mth preganant.Also I found a great man who cares for me so much like my husband use to do.I thank Lord for all he has done for us.Thank you Jesus.Amen.
I am so inspired by your story, Rhonda. Your strength is incredible and your story is a gift. Please hurry and finish your book! Ingrid
I was very inspired with ur story, and I to cried but it was a good cry....the tells us to put other first and that is what u did Rhonda and God will bless us when we love on other..and he is such a good match maker....God brought Larry to you...God brought me a wonder man as well and I know if I ever lose him God will be there for me to...you are a very special women and God is not finished with you yet...you will be an inspiration to many more.
God Bless
Cylinda...:)
Wow...Rhonda!
The word says, that, we will not suffer more than we could and he gives us strength to endure, and also HE gives a way out. Larry was Rhondas 'way out' from God.
I praise God that his promises NEVER return empty, and HE not only brought Larry, but, for the two grand kids, you are there in good state of mind to lean on and get motherly love.....Praise God..Praise God....
Wow.. beautiful story. The end gave me immediate goosebumps
I am so humbled by all the wonderful responses that I've gotten from all the readers from Guideposts Magazine! Thank you everyone, you inspire me to get my book finished so you can enjoy the entire story. Like Larry said from the very beginning, "It only gets better!"
Love and Peace,
Rhonda
Rhonda I am so happy that you and Larry found each other. When I first met you at the writer's group and heard your story it took my heart away. You have such a glow of joy about you that it doesn't seem possible that you have gone through so much pain. You are truly inspirational to me. And the story reads beautifully!!
Marilyn, I am truly touched by your kind words. Thank you my fellow writer friend.
Rhonda
From the moment I met you, I felt immense Love and Light pour forth from you. Your smile says it all and your story only reinforces it. Thank you for being brave enough to take the leap with Larry and for sharing your romance with us all. You are truly an inspiration... xoXo ;)
Marcella, It's people like you that make Love and Light pour forth in this universe and keep me inspired. WOW, a writer left with no words to express herself. That's powererful.
Love, Rhonda
I had the privilidge to know Rhonda & Greg during their brief retirement between the battles they had to face. I knew then what has only been reinforced now, that Rhonda was no ordinary person. She is the "real deal", and anyone who has the good fortune to be with her, even for a short time as I did, has a gift from God that cannot ever be taken away.
Julie, I am humbled by your kind words and expression of love. Today as I was writing away I wrote:
Regardless of any adversity we may face, in the end, the most precious part of living always funnels down to one simple place…the ability to feel and express our love.
Rhonda Hayes
Although I've heard this story several times, it never ceases to inspire me - yes, there is light & hope, even when the candle burns out --
Thank you for your kind words Sydney. Yes, I have a signed copy for you. You are filled with light and hope as well.
Rhonda; this brings tears to my eyes. I remember hearing you talk about this at the writers conference, and I'm so glad you found Larry. You deserve much happiness. Sending you hugs x
Jenny,
Thank you so much for reading my story and leaving a comment. I too remember meeting you and enjoyed reading your book, Madness and Murder. Readers as well as writers are a blessing in my life!
Hugs back to you,
Rhonda
Rhonda, Your story brought tears to my eyes also and i wish you years of happiness with your new love, and I know Sherry is with the Lord, I recently was told that I have Non-Alcoholic-Stelatic-Hepatitis and Chirrosis in stage 2-3 and only 4 stages. I too have a daughter Rhonda who is alive only with the power of prayer, she lost a leg to diabetis, on dialysis, had 2 minor strokes. everyday it is a struggle just to live. I can relate to you.
I have a wonderful husband { 25 yrs now} who stands by me, and comforts me like i know Larry will be with you.
Good luck and know someday we will all be together again.I cling to the Bible verso " Lo, I am with you always to the end of the world. Sincerly Charlotte from Sedalia, Mo.