150 Pounds Later

By Jane Shukitis, Spencerport, New York

As appeared in

"I’ve got pictures!” my sister Kim sang out, waving a plump packet as she breezed in the front door.

A few weeks earlier she’d gotten married. I had been her matron of honor. It was a beautiful wedding, outdoors with a Hawaiian theme. But, boy, did I dread what I’d see in those pictures—what I did my best to avoid seeing almost every day of my life.

Kim spread the photos out on my dining room table. I oohed and aahed at how beautiful she was in her gorgeous wedding dress—as radiant as a bride can be. “Doesn’t Mom look great?” I said. My husband, George, looked wonderful too in a Hawaiian shirt and orchid lei.

Then there was me. The lady in the tent. No matter how big my smile, no matter how strategically I tried to position myself behind people, no matter how lovely the fabric of my dress, no matter how beautiful my flowers, I was the “heavy” woman.

My arms were huge; I had at least three chins. There I was, all 282 pounds of me, preserved forever in photos that would be handed down for generations.

It would be one thing if I could just go on a quick diet and lose the pounds. But this was how I had been for years. A size 16 in my own wedding gown, 40 pounds added that first year of marriage, more weight gain with each of my two children.

I put on 70 pounds with my second child. The doctor was concerned. I was concerned. I was a registered nurse. I knew the health risks obese people faced: diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease. I saw it all the time on my job.

Other people went on diets, lost weight and kept it off. I’d go down 10 pounds and then balloon right back up. The grapefruit diet, the high-protein diet, liquid diets, nothing worked and I couldn’t stick with anything for more than a few months.

I’d always think about how everyone else was eating things I couldn’t—and how unfair that was. I’d been teased about being fat ever since I was a child—but I managed to be a success in other areas of my life.

George and I had been married and in love for more than 20 years. Our two children were grown and doing great. I’d moved from direct-care nursing and was now a senior executive for a large healthcare system. I could organize a meeting, deliver a PowerPoint presentation, manage a multi-million-dollar budget. I just couldn’t lose a pound and keep it off. Why? Why was it so hard?

Kim left a few photos for me to keep. I hugged her and said thanks, but I wanted to burn every one of them. As though that would somehow solve the problem, that all at once I would never worry again about fitting into an airline seat or dread having my picture taken.