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With Secrets Revealed, the Healing Begins
A battered wife, inspired by a co-worker's concern and prayers, begins to put her life in order.
As appeared in 
Karen, my new coworker, popped her head into my office. “Wanna grab a cup of coffee after work?” she asked. “It would be nice to get to know each other better.”
“Karen, I just don’t have time,” I said.
Karen had joined our faith-based, nonprofit organization a few months earlier and already she’d befriended almost everyone and was organizing employee outings.
She had it all: a strong marriage, a loving family. I could see why people liked her. Positive attitude. Hard worker. Responsible. Compassionate. Our joint projects ran smoothly. I couldn’t have asked for a better colleague.
But I wouldn’t, couldn’t, go deeper than that. Not with Karen. Not with anyone. How could I? What if my secret got out? What would people think of me then? What would perfect Karen think?
The secret I was desperate to keep was this: I was married to a real-life Jekyll and Hyde, a man who was sweet and charming to me one day, and emotionally and physically abusive the next. He would beg for forgiveness and I’d give in, wanting to believe he would change. And he would...but not for long.
I stayed because I was convinced the abuse would end, that we’d heal and eventually have a good marriage.
But lately I questioned if anything I believed could be trusted anymore. My marriage was more like a prison than a sacred bond, and certainly not an emotionally healthy environment for my 12-year-old daughter, Tabitha.
My secret had isolated me from everyone, even God. I was almost too ashamed to pray for help. No one—especially not bubbly, I-have-a-perfect-life Karen—could understand.
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Besides, I was a professional, a woman who held her own with board members, CEOs and affluent donors. I could never admit I was one of “those women,” battered wives whom others judged and whispered about, saying things like, “What’s wrong with her? Why doesn’t she just leave the jerk?”
I’d been dancing around Karen’s invitations ever since she’d started. I made up reasons why my family didn’t join the after-work get-togethers, and why I had so many hushed phone conversations with my husband during the day.
“Maybe there’s something I can help you with?” she said. “Something that would free up your schedule?”
“Thank you,” I said. “But this is all stuff that I have to do myself.”
“Okay,” she said. “If you change your mind, I’m just down the hall.”
Karen persisted. A gentle nod. That sweet smile. An encouraging word. She was so genuine I almost, almost, wanted to confide in her. But what if she thought I was to blame for my situation? I couldn’t take the shame, the condemnation.
Lord, I prayed one morning driving to work, I feel so cut off from everyone right now. Especially from you. Don’t you see what I’m going through? Can’t you help me find a way out of this pain?
Yet my prayer only caused me more shame. How could I impose on God to help me with a situation I had let get so out of control?
The night before a critical planning session at work, my husband and I got into an intense argument and he punched me in the face. It was the hardest he’d ever hit me. My eye swelled almost shut. Tabitha heard the noise from upstairs and came running down.
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Your Comments
Jo Ann,
Thank you for sharing your amazing story. You will help so many women with your vulnerability. <3
Kiyla Fenell
JoAnn - a powerful read! Loved the pursuance of kindness and the emergence from abuse. Our world needs more of this. Your triumph and dedication to healing other hearts and allowing God's presence to restore your life in the most productive way are truly inspiring. Much love to you my friend. C
Oh precious Christine,
You are such a beautiful encourager. An amazing woman of triumph yourself. Your words ring poetic in my ear, knowing your heart.
And by the way, my website would not be what it is without your inspired designs so for the many women who are welcomed into a safe place with such serenity, THANK YOU!
Love,
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
Great Job Jo Ann! You did awesome sharing your story with others. I know it will bless and help many women who will read it. God Bless You, as you continue to write for Him.
Denise Jenkins
Thank you Denise,
I pray that others are encouraged. As we willingly unfold our stories into the arms of others, God does such a neat little thing--he encourages, blesses, and heals. Both the writer and the reader.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
Thank you, Jo Ann, for this beautiful and inspiring story! It takes my heart!
Sue,
Thank you! Thank you for reading, for feeling, for caring.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
Jo Ann, your story touched me. There is a woman in my town who often sports a black eye because of her husband. And I've wondered why she doesn't just leave him, when I should have been praying for her and asking her if she was okay.
Your honesty humbles me. Thank you for sharing.
Ah, Melissa,
That's so powerful. So thankful God nudged your heart for that woman. Until we walk in another's shoes....
What a blessing you are, refreshing.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
What a powerful story of courage, perseverance, and friendship. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably.
Thank you, Paula!
Jo Ann, thank you for this very touching post. If only all women in such relationships could find safety and a caring friend. I'm so glad you have long since found a wonderful husband and your family is thriving.
Rosslyn,
I pray that God hears the cry before it is expressed, that He has women in waiting for those who are hurting. That we will turn to, and not away from, the very thing we long for: community and compassion.
Thank you for reading.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
Your story is both moving and inspiring. Not only is it a wonderful way to show others in similar situations that there is hope it also shows the impact of supportive relationships. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Noelle,
Your words warm my heart. That is my heart's cry, that ones who need it would taste the hope and that others would answer the call to reach in when needed.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
Thank you for sharing your story, Jo Ann. I believe our pain can help others, and this raw truth will be a breath of hope to some hurting soul. Bless you!
Megan,
Thank you for your encouragement.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
Thank you, Jo Ann, for your transparency and courage. I wish more women could understand the freedom that comes by reaching out and connecting with other women. May you be deeply blessed, dear one, for braving the door of the cave ahead of women who might just be encouraged enough by your words to follow you out into the sunlight.
And thank you, Guideposts, for being willing to take on such a tough topic and showing you are all about God's people being real with one another. I applaud such true concern for your readership.
All is Grace,
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa.
Oh, that we would reach out, grasp the freedom of connection!
Jo Ann, thank you so much for sharing this personal, raw, hope-filled story. I'm praying right now that this story lands in the hands of at least one woman in a similar situation who needs this light in her darkness. God bless you richly, my Friend.
Thank you Donna. Thank you so much for your compassionate prayer and I pray that God honors it and multiples it. Thank you for your heart for hurting women!
Rich blessings,
Jo Ann
Great article and much needed!
Thank you, Rita!
Thank you for sharing your Story Jo Ann. What a special gift Karen providing her journal with you. Unless the words of how God has blessed us get put here in print, Many people feel they are alone and no one would care about us anyway. How wrong. I very very often share my stories with srangers on the phone when they are hurting. My one and only goal in doing this is to make sure they understand is by one way or another GOD AND ONLY GOD has gotten me through it all.
Lori,
I love the stories of brave-hearted women who have gone before. Keep sharing your story my friend! That makes God happy.
And yes, Karen herself is a gift, but that too was God-given. His hand was in her willingness to step into an uncomfortable place, her willingness to reach out.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
JoAnn...women need to hear the brave stories of other women. We draw strength from one another - God made us for relationship. For whatever reason, we women seem to have a difficult time reaching out for help. I hope and pray that your story will give strength to others to ask for help - and that God will have someone right there to extend a hand.
Betsy,
Thank you!
Yes sweet friend, God designed us for community. But we're often afraid of the very thing that we most need. Oh how I pray that others will be encouraged and willing to reach out--to ask for help when needed. And that God will have someone waiting.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
Your story will reach far and wide to help hurting women, Jo Ann. So thankful you're using your voice to give hope and courage. I was especially touched by Karen's journal - what a gift and help to you! No doubt in my mind that God sent Karen. Thank for you telling your story!
Vicki,
Thank you so much. That is my prayer. To spread hope into the lives of others. God wants us to be free, to live abundant lives. And Karen's journal lit a fire in me for helping others to write where it hurts. Yes, she was a true God-send.
Warmly,
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
I'm very moved by this powerful story, and I'm sure it will encourage a lot of hurting people to open up and get the help they need. Thanks for posting this!
Cheryl,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I pray that God moves in the hearts of hurting women; that they, too, will find the help they need. The help God has waiting for them.
Thank you for reading.
Cheryl,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I pray that God moves in the hearts of hurting women; that they, too, will find the help they need. The help God has waiting for them.
Thank you for reading.
It's crazy to me that a single person, like Karen, can have that kind of impact. The one that let's us see we're not alone. The on that's there when we finally do leave. Years later and married to the man of my dreams, I sometimes still feel alone in what I went through. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so open about it, I don't want anybody ever to feel alone.
Yes, Kelly, once having walked through brokenness ourselves, we long to see others taste that same freedom. I am so thankful you are walking free, and heading back over the bridge to carry others over.
Jo Ann, thank you for blessing so many through your transparency and encouragement. I'm sure there are many women who feel trapped in an abusive relationship, not sure where to turn. Reaching out for help is the first big step, just finding a friend to confide in. How fortunate you were to have such a caring co-worker. For those of us in good strong marriages, this is also a reminder to be on the lookout for women who are hurting so we can lend a hand when needed most.We may not know exactly what it's like, but we can surely pray!
Hi Susan,
I love that--your heart to be on the lookout for women who are hurting. I am uber thankful for Karen's willingness to reach in when the reception wasn't so warm. That's not an easy task, but a life-changing one if we're willing to accept the prompting.
Hugs,
Jo Ann
The stresses I'm feeling are different, but temptation to isolate myself are the same. Thank you for sharing your story and the simple reminder that help is just down the hall.
Hi Sara,
Great to connect. And yes, stress is stress, not to be compared. The temptation of isolation runs as the deepest of ocean blues.
I would encourage you, go ahead, take those hard steps, reach out. Connect. It is so worth it. As you can tell, I've earned the right to say that.
I know it isn't easy. Don't discount that for one second. But I promise it's worth it.
Hugs,
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
Jo Ann,
thank you for sharing such an intimate glimps into your hardships. Your story gives great hope to many women struggling with the aftermath of abuse - there is a silver lining and God never wastes a hurt.
I LOVE how things have come full circle for you, your wonderful marriage and growing family!
Kate
Hi Kate,
Praise God that there is a silver lining! Yes, He will not waste our hurts if we can release them to him
Thank you for sharing!
Warmly,
Jo Ann
This story really touched my heart. There are so many people going through abuse. This stories give hope that there is a way out!
Hi DrDebra,
So glad that you were touched by the story. I remain in awe of how God redeems and transforms if we allow Him too.
Yes, there is hope, there is a way out.
Warmly
Jo Ann
How grateful I am that God sends precious people to help us along our journey. Karen was a divine gift for a horrible time.
And I'm very grateful you have since remarried to a wonderful man.
Thank you for sharing your story with us and sharing the hope we find through God-given friendships.
Love and blessings to you,
Lisa Buffaloe
Hi precious friend,
Oh that we would be more attentive to the people He sends in our paths, that we would be willing to take our masks off and let people in!!
Thank you for being a beautiful model of authentic friendship to me, Lisa.
Love,
Jo Ann
Hi precious friend,
Oh that we would be more attentive to the people He sends in our paths, that we would be willing to take our masks off and let people in!!
Thank you for being a beautiful model of authentic friendship to me, Lisa.
Love,
Jo Ann
We was all touch by you sharing your story.I am so,so Bless to have a amazing husband of 53 years.We never one had any kind of abdication,but our grow children s has.Like you i been so down not wanting any one to know about it i found i got so low i could not Pray,in a way i was asking God why you let this happen to our children,that was satin tell me these things.I kick him back into the lake of fire and let God have it.Thanks Again for your story.Now i can add you and your daughter to my prayer list.
Hi Ester,
I'm so glad God used my story to encourage you. You are right to turn it over to God -- He can handle it, sometimes we just forget that.
Thank you for your concerns for my family. Since the timing of that story, I have re-married to an amazing godly man and we have a wonderful marriage. Tabitha has grown into a beautiful woman, with children of her own. But we can always use prayers, so we appreciate yours.
May God richly bless you and your family.
Jo Ann
http://www.writewhereithurts.org
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