From Self-Loathing to Complete Surrender
The daughter of motivational speaker Zig Ziglar shares her spiritual journey of transformation.
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printFor over a quarter of a century I lived every day with regret, shame, guilt, grief, pain and a deep, underlying depression. I was exhausted from hurting and tired of running from the memory and magnitude of what I’d done and the life I’d been living. As the daughter of the motivator’s motivator, Zig Ziglar, I knew that I needed to be positive and that “negative thinking” would just make things worse.
So I gathered up all of my negative self-talk—the disgust, self-loathing, anger, bitterness, resentment, guilt and shame—and squashed it down deep inside where it couldn’t seep out and ruin the bright and practiced smile I presented to the world.
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My thought life was like a war zone. The negative, self-degrading words that dominated my thinking battled daily with the positive, uplifting words of encouragement my father taught from the platform and in his many books. One thing I knew for sure, I was positive I was miserable!
Many people know a little something about my father being a motivational and inspirational icon, and they don’t expect a child who had the obvious advantages of growing up with a loving, positive, encouraging father and mother to have made such a mess of her life. My double life as a secret misfit and an outward overachiever was a living lie, but it has led me to a life of transparency and the topics of repentance, restoration, and becoming your best you.
For most of my life I heard my father say, “You have to be the right kind of person to succeed in life. You have to “be” before you can “do.” You have to do before you can have.” I didn’t understand what it meant to be the “right kind” of person until I was well into my fourth decade of living.
Today I know that it is impossible to fully achieve what my father teaches without surrendering your life to God. It is only through God’s power that man can overcome his selfish, self-destructive ways and become someone who can glorify God and praise Him in all things.
More than anything I want to help people who struggle with feeling that they can’t come to Jesus until they become perfect. The notion that you have to be good and make all the right choices to be loved by God keeps countless numbers of people from the most astounding, uplifting, incredible relationship available to mankind. I didn’t understand grace when I was first saved, and when I fell back into sin I thought Jesus would never have me back because I betrayed Him and let Him down. Now I know the sweetness of complete surrender, and I want everybody to know Jesus on that level.
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The people with whom I hope to resonate intuitively “know” that God is the answer to their problems, but they feel unworthy of Him because they don’t understand His grace. Some have never been to church, others have given up on going to church where they feel the absolute worst of all, but many are sitting in churches feeling less than, apart from, and undeserving of a relationship with Jesus and those who sit around them.
They have prayed for forgiveness and rededicated their lives to Jesus innumerable times, and yet they are stuck, feeling unforgiven and unworthy of His love. So they exercise their freedom of choice and do another “this will make me feel better” compulsive behavior.
I have firsthand knowledge that this tentative, one step forward and two steps back Christianity leads to fence-straddling misery.
This article was excerpted from Growing Up Ziglar: A Daughter’s Broken Journey from Heartache to Hope (Guideposts 2012) by Julie Ziglar Norman. For more information or to buy the book, go to ShopGuideposts.
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Your Comments (19)
I know that God forgives me every time I mess up. My problem is that I seem to have a hard time forgiving myself, because I feel that God deserves so much better than I give.
Sometimes we have to remember whose image we are created after and not worry about what other people think. After their best thinking crucified our Lord because they thought he wasn't good enough. The only one who not only was and still is perfect but the only one who was good enough to redeem mankind because of that and that is exactly what he did. What love God the Father has shown us through him and thank you for sharing.
Thanks for promoting and selling Julie Ziglar's book! Her dad made a big difference in my life in the early 80's and remains throughout my life. I look forward to reading Julie's book and I admire her from writing from down deep in her heart to the pages and to those of us that will read the book and be inspired with her words of wisdom.
God bless the Ziglar family that has touched 1,000's of families over the year's!
Doak Turner
Thanks to Guidepost and Julie Ziglar for sharing this wonderful article. It definitely resonated with me!! I need/want God's grace in my life and this message gives me hope! God Bess
Kind and Good people of Guidepost. Here is a suggestion. Why not have a full page picture taken of a few editors standing behind a desk with mail for a day or week. The reality of this may make contributors realize
the huge task of going through the mail ...is just that, a huge task.
I live in Chicago and once went overseas for nine consecutive months.
I asked a neighbor to take in my mail (all the important mail that required payment was made automatic through my bank).
She is a wonderful person and came bearing a shopping bag filled to the top and said I'll be right back. The second time she returned bearing two bags and as I stood
there mouth wide open, she left and laughingly returned once more, with two more bags and right behind her was her grown son bearing the final two.!!!
When mail arrives daily it doesn't seem like alot. Needless to say,
I was happy to have brought back a thank you of 18kt gold earrings
and my apologies for having cluttered up her home. when she replied,
Nonsense! We're neighbors and friends. I placed all the mail in stacks
on the table and deliberately sat behind the stacks.. You can only see
my forehead. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE STACKS THAT ARRIVE AT GUIDEPOST.
LISA
I am proud of your triumph over depression and negative thinking.I am glad you seek the Lord instead of turning completely away from HIM.I am not a perfect person,I am saved though and blessed by only Jesus Christ's love. My issue was the drink and a painful past.I was a smart kid,and a good athlete.I survived severe health issues to be able to give blood as a grown woman ,I was an anemic teen sometimes. My family and very close friends have been at war ,I miss people I have lost along the way.I know that every day when I wake up and I can pray for others,I feel blessed.I count my blessings I am sober,saved,and healed by God's grace and mercy!
Thanks for sharing. I grew up with a stepfather who drank and our family was the triangle; my stepdad was the persecutor, my mom the enabler and I was the victim.
I overcame it became a nurse and raised 3 wonderful children. I am now praying for a Catholic husband; my ex divorced me seventeen years ago. I cannot afford magazines as am on very limited income but I apppreciate the emails.
I really loved your magazine all the time I had it.
Thanks again.
Please send me your snail mail. I would count it a blessing to donate a subscription to you.
I am very interested in learning more about your life and have just ordered a subscription to Guideposts magazine as a result of learning about a contest. No matter who our parents are or how we were raised it is true that accepting Jesus as our personal Savior and buiding a relationship with Him is something we must each do as individuals. I learned this lesson twelve years ago after seeing my first passion play during Easter. Years of church attendance didn't seem to count because the whole point seemed to be about keeping the law in order to please God. Three baptisms and many years of intellectual Bible study were finally trumped by a very deeply emotional experience of watching a play about what Jesus did as the Lamb of God. That touched me more deeply than all the sermons I had ever heard and it changed my life from that day forward. Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh God My God, Your Beloved cries out to You...
"I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
“What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help. ”
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever."
The Kingdom of God [Temple] is within You & Me.
May Much Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Health, Wealth, & Much Blessings in Abundance Be Yours & Mine, Today and Always~
Kim@KimItemMinistries
You got ALL THAT right. So do we have to buy your book to find the solution?
I'm interested in your story. I grew up knowing Zig Ziglar as "THE MAN" of inspiration and motivation. You always wonder what goes on in the families of thee people. Thank you for sharing and I am looking forward to reading your story.
As to the woman who was "so sad" that you didn't respond -- I'm sorry, get over it. Like another reply stated, there are MANY people in this world who have stories to tell and there are Christian publishing companies that would love to read it and give you a "yes" or "no" -- seek them out first. It is very unprofessional to "dump" right here in public. Truth be known, I may like to read your story, too, and it may prove what many people need to hear, but don't get all down in the mouth about being overlooked. Try, try again... Be Blessed.
My friend Linda Liard wrote a story which she wrote to you and sent by mail and you never answered her. To this day she is still very disappointed that she never even got an answer from you at all. No or yes would have been very nice to have sent her and also tell her why it wasn't accepted by you. Am sure you have gotten many stories but feel it is wrong not to let her know something. There was much sadness in her voice that she never heard a word from you. I do not know when it was submitted to you or when it was written. She just could hardly talk about it. The only reason this came up is I was talking to her last week and told her I wanted to write a story about meeting Dan Akrod and what happened to happened and that is when she told me. It would be a waist of time for they just don't answer you. I do hope you can take care of this and at least give her answer. She live in Lincoln, Ne and if you want more information on this, let me know and I will get it to you.
Not sure what to think of this so pray you give this some thought.Appreciate offering your time and thank you for your time.
Sincerely, Lynn Stichweh I have known her for over 30 years and know she had a story to tell that would help people. To me your magazine is for uplifting people Thank you, again.
To Lynn and her friend Linda,
The only choices the editors have really is to a) not respond (for many reasons), b) send a rejection or c) accept the story. However, your friend has options too. Like sending it to friends in email (and the story may be passed on and on and reach many and help many. Once I passed along something that had been sent to me (regarding a prayer request) and we got responses, eventually, from all over the world.
So, please, there are so many avenues, particularly with the Internet, to get a story out there.
Guidepost is great and I have subscribed for many years and it was kind of your friend to give them "first crack" at her story but their lack of response has freed your friend to go other routes now. :-)
To Lynn, I am not sure what words to express or how to even say what I want to say in reply to what you wrote. First of all, this is a place to reply to the article that was just written. To respond to how the article applies to you or how it helped you. If you or your friend have issues about not being heard from about an article that was written, this is not the place to air that out for all to see. It is rude and extremely inappropriate! And very unprofessional! You should have contacted the author through email one on one and kindly stated your feelings, attacking never gets you anywhere. The reply you recieved to your post was excellent and clearly informs you why your friend did not recieve a personal response, she is not the only person alive writing articles hoping to be printed. I am just so upset that you used this forum to air your problem and rudeness, not taking anything but yourself into consideration.
While I appreciate your concern for your friend, I don't think you comprehend in any way the volume of mail that authors receive--from fan mail, to business opportunities, to personal requests and favors to an endless amount of unsolicited requests for evaluations of manuscripts. My sister, Laura Frantz, is a Christian author--she tries very hard to respond to everyone who writes her--and struggles with the whole issue. As her readership has grown and continues to grow, the time will come when she will simply not be able to respond. Now, while my sister's books have sold well and gotten great reviews--this does not compare in the slightest to someone who has the platform of the Ziglar name and whose audience is exponentially going to be so much greater. What makes it all the more difficult is that to even hire a person to give automatic replies on your behalf is sometimes outside of the economic reality in which authors live.
So, while I understand your concern, you are simply not being understanding of the many underlying reasons that may have precluded Linda from receiving a response--especially when her story was unsolicited. Hopefully, she will continue to believe in her story and seek to move forward with promoting it and sharing it with others, irregardless of the response of any one individual.
Blessings.
First off, Cuz, I LOVE your hair!!!! You look so much younger but still beautiful! I am so inspired by what you are doing and have done. You must be the strongest person I know to rise above all that you have been through and I am so proud to be your cousin!! I love you Julie!!!!
Thank You ! Growing up a Pk is a likely comparable.? Your courageous and redemptive story is an Inspiration that gives me Hope. It's good to hear that someone 'gets it' ! Bless You.