Build Your Happiness

How to stop comparing yourself to others and be grateful for what you've got.

By Alina Larson, New York, New York

In this article:

I wish I had her hair, his car, their house. Why isn't my kid as smart, my wardrobe as stylish, my job as glamorous as [insert relative, friend or random stranger]?... We all have these thoughts to some degree. Shira Boss, author of Green with Envy, says it's part of American culture "to want to do better than your parents, better than last year, better than your neighbors."

A little comparison with others is healthy. It can spur us to make more positive choices for ourselves. (You hit the gym more often after admiring your friend's trim physique, for instance.) But constantly trying to outdo your peers can put you in the hole—financially and spiritually. So how do you keep your comparing in check?

1. Consider your motivation.
Whatever improvements you're making to your life, make sure you're doing it for you, not to impress other people.

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2. Be grateful for your gifts.
"The key is to appreciate your own uniqueness and abilities," says psychologist Celeste Gertson, Ph.D. Get your friends' and family's input and make a list of the attributes you've been blessed with. Keep it handy for those times you feel "less than."

3. Set your own standards.
Base them on your skills, interests and ambitions. "You must learn to think independently, and be mindful of what is suitable for you regardless of what the rest of the world says," says organizational psychologist Edwin Locke, Ph.D.

4. Value your own good judgment.
Look back on the smart decisions you've made and things you have accomplished in the past, and remind yourself of your worth. With a little practice, you will find that nobody compares to you!

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