A Family Mystery

An unanswered Christmas card, a fading college yearbook and a phone call out of the blue connect a woman to her roots.

By Elise Breda, Delmar, Maryland

As appeared in

There’s a reason why I’m the one to tell this tale, but that will come later. The story starts with a Christmas letter.

It was one of Deborah Breda’s most cherished holiday traditions. She loved sharing with family and friends, telling everyone how the kids were doing in school, how they were adjusting to the New Jersey winters, her husband John’s career at the bank, her work as a teacher, their Bible study at church.

Even more, she looked forward to the letters that came in return, savoring the smallest tidbit of news, a niece’s violin solo or a new pet. She felt a connection, a sense of belonging she’d craved all her life. But the one letter she looked forward to most had never arrived.

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For 11 years she’d faithfully mailed her family’s news to Winston- Salem, North Carolina, to a doctor she’d met only once when she was a girl and had her picture taken with him. The one person she knew who might be able to answer her questions about her father.

She was a 40-year-old woman, with a family of her own, but there was an emptiness in her life.

Now once again at her kitchen table she addressed an envelope to Dr. Reid Bahnson. Her pen hesitated at the bottom of the letter. What could she say that she hadn’t said before?

“I hope you have a merry Christmas,” Deborah finally wrote. “You’re always in my thoughts and prayers. Would love to hear from you sometime.” She folded the letter and put it in the envelope. It seemed such a futile gesture. But if she gave up hope what would she have left?

Growing up in her maternal grandparents’ home in tiny Nederland, Texas, an hour from the Gulf of Mexico, she’d often questioned her mother, Joyce, for details about her father.

How had they met? Was he handsome? What was he like? Why had he left them? And where was he now? Why did he never write or call? An endless stream of queries bubbled up inside of her.

Her mother answered her questions, sparingly. Deborah pieced everything together the best she could, like an enormous jigsaw puzzle whose pieces never seemed to quite fit.

Joyce Guthrie had met Alec Bahnson in 1960 at a Christian school run by an evangelist in Arizona where they were both teachers. He was incredibly handsome, strong and athletic, intense and charismatic, nearly 10 years older than she.

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He’d fought in World War II with the legendary 10th Mountain Division, an alpine unit that suffered terrible casualties.

They had a whirlwind romance, marrying only six months after they met, not even telling their families until afterward. They left the school and traveled across the country, finally arriving in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where the Bahnsons had settled in the early 1860s.

There her husband no longer seemed like the same man she’d fallen in love with. He was moody, prone to strange, obsessive behavior and angry outbursts. It only got worse after she told him she was pregnant. Months later he left her.

“I came back to Granddad and Grandma’s, and that’s when you were born,” her mom told Deborah. “They helped me heal from the divorce so you could be brought up in a healthy environment and we could continue on with our lives. We’re both so very, very blessed.”

Deborah loved living with her grandparents. There was always someone to read her a story or take her to the park. Joyce, a schoolteacher, had summers off. But it wasn’t enough to fill the void inside of her.

“What happened to Daddy?” Deborah would invariably ask.

It was an era when no one spoke of mental illness or what they called shell shock back then. “The war affected him,” her mom said. “And I think the responsibility of being a husband and then me being pregnant was just too much. Still, I know he loves you.”

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Her mother never once said a cross word about Alec Bahnson. In fact, she went out of her way to talk up the Bahnsons. They were doctors, inventors, business people, prominent in Winston- Salem. But the question lingered, why didn’t they ever get in touch?