The Christian Dating Game: How to Wait

These tips will help you see singleness as a gift from God

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- Posted on Dec 10, 2014

Christian dating advice from Tera Carissa Hodges, Guideposts

The word “wait” is one of the few words in the English language that can cause so much anxiety, fear, trepidation, and frustration. Because we want what we want when we want it, the word wait can easily begin to feel like the word “never”—especially when you are single and attempting to live a lifestyle compatible with your faith.

Yet, the word wait, in some context, appears over 100 times in the Bible, the book every Christian single should strive to live by.

So what do you do while you wait on your soul mate? First, understand what waiting means in the context of Christian dating: “delaying action until a particular time”. That means “Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life.” Dating is not synonymous with depression, stagnation or desperation. Don’t go out falling in love with anyone who is paying you attention; delay action until the particular time comes when you know God is speaking to you about a certain person. “Do not awaken love” until He pleases.

Second, singles must remember that though they don’t have a “better half,” they have still been created to be completely whole people. Other people do not complete you—God does! You are a full person, full of purpose that the Church and the world needs!

According to scripture, singleness is the perfect time to identify your purpose and thrive in it. Many people question, “What is my purpose?” Your purpose is always connected to your passion, and process. What have you been through that can help someone else? For example, David’s wilderness process included him wrestling with lions and bears. But, it was that process that prepared him for a great purpose, defeating Goliath.

Like David slaying Goliath, many great accomplishments in ministry have been achieved by singles. In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul says, “When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.” Paul admonishes singles to get busy in the matters concerning the Church and their own spiritual growth.

Each single has to define what this should look like to them. Does this mean volunteering in children’s church? Starting an international outreach ministry? Joining the usher board or choir?

While life for the Christian single should be ministry filled, it doesn’t have to stop there. In addition to ministry work, why not write the book you’ve always dreamed of, travel to foreign lands, start a business, join a civic organization? Get busy becoming who you are supposed to be!

Time is often a luxury many people wish for, yet as a single person, you have more of. Use that time to pursue your dreams, and develop yourself, and learn who you are and who you want to be. Often times, we keep choosing “the wrong one,” because we don’t know who the right one is because we don’t know who we are. Once you know yourself, among other things, you are able to properly identify what you need in a mate. While God can deliver your soul mate anywhere, your spouse-to-be may have an easier time identifying you if you are out living the life of your dreams.

Lastly, stop looking at every person as your potential spouse. They could be a potential business partner, great friend, career adviser, confidante, accountability partner, work out partner, business associate or more. But, you won’t be able to see that if your only filter is, “Is this my soul mate?” Maybe. Maybe not. Just value people for who they are, not who they could be to you.

Enjoying your life in your singleness is not the same as sinning; know your boundaries and thrive within them. This way, waiting won’t seem like some kind of punishment, but instead you’ll recognize it as an incredible gift to grow yourself and your faith in the Lord.

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