Can You Forgive A Murderer?

After a brutal crime, one grieving mom found healing in forgiveness, not revenge.

 

a woman holds her face in her hands in grief

It’s hard to forgive, as Guideposts explored in detail with their “Power of Forgiveness” series last year. We know it’s something that our faith commands us to do. We know that forgiving someone is good for our spirit and health. Still, our anger, our sadness, our pain are powerful forces to overcome. Crimes committed against us and our loved ones stoke the fires of revenge, and sometimes a deluge of prayer is needed to snuff it out.

That’s what makes the story of Linda White and Gary Brown published on Slate this week so remarkable.

The story begins with a “Mysterious Ways,” a conversation Linda had with her daughter, Cathy. Linda discovered that Cathy’s fiancée was actually the son of the pediatrician the White family used to see before they moved from Houston to Colorado. Cathy’s soon-to-be father-in-law had actually treated her as a little girl. Linda and Cathy shared a laugh about the remarkable “coincidence.”

It was the last moment Linda and Cathy would share together. Days later, tragedy struck in the form of two 15-year-old boys who’d escaped from a nearby rehab center. The boys abducted Cathy, assaulted her, and killed her. They were arrested soon after. Each was sentenced to more than 50 years behind bars.

At a support group for crime victims, Linda didn’t find solace. “I didn’t feel like anyone was talking to me about healing, about moving forward. It was just about getting even,” she told Slate. “I didn’t want my life to be like that.”

Her faith guided her to take a different path. She found a booklet written by a United Church of Christ minister, Virginia Mackey, which preached something called “restorative justice,” which focuses on the rehabilitation of offenders through reconciliation with victims. In other words, meet and help heal the broken boys who perpetrated this horrific crime. One of those boys was Gary Brown.

It’s a stunning story, and one in which the role of faith in Linda’s healing process is crystal clear. An important read for anyone struggling to forgive someone for far lesser crimes.

Have you struggled to forgive? Did an unexpected encounter or sign open your heart? How did it change you? Share your true story with us.

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