A simple trust in God helps waylay the anxieties of a self-confessed control freak.
Posted in , Jan 23, 2015
But He knows the way I take. (Job 23:10)
As you might have guessed from following this blog, I’m a bit of a control freak.
I often try to disguise this trait as helpfulness. But to be brutally honest, it’s almost always a control issue. My family and friends are good-natured about this part of my character, but I know it can sometime be a trial.
I’ve had to battle this tendency a lot, but never more than when it comes to my kids. For example, I’ve had a definite opinion about their course to adulthood since they were born.
In my mind, there was never a doubt they’d each attend college, get married and generally live happily ever after.
I had many reasons for this collegiate expectation, but here are just a few. For one, their father set the example. My husband is an engineer with a master’s degree, and it never occurred to me his sons wouldn’t want to follow in his footsteps.
I knew they might not want to go into engineering but, at least in my mind, college was never in doubt.
I think I assumed this because not finishing college has been one of the biggest regrets in my own life. I’ve been very vocal about the roadblocks the lack of a college degree put in my path.
So, when our oldest son came home and informed us he wanted to join the Marine Corps straight out of high school, I was emphatically against it.
As a matter of fact, I remember plugging my ears and singing the “Star Spangled Banner” to drown out his attempts to convince me it would be a good idea. Obviously not one of my finer moments as a mother.
Later that night, as I lay in bed discussing my day with God, I had a lot to say to Him on the matter. Looking back I can’t help but wonder if He didn’t fight the impulse to plug his own ears to drown out my whining.
Eventually our son won me over with these simple words. “Mom, I know you’re worried. But I feel God’s call to join the military. And you know I’m safer in the middle of His will–in the middle of a war–than I ever could be out of His will.”
Of course he was right, and I felt such joy and pride in him I could hardly stand it. Those words–that simple belief in God–have held me through many a sleepless night.