After reading about another mother dealing with her child's death, a reader asks Trudy for advice about healing her own grief.
Trudy gets so many questions and stories of end-of-life experiences from Guideposts readers, we decided to make her responses a regular feature on her blog. This one came after she wrote about a mother seeking contact with her son after his death.
My son took his own life, while under the influence of alcohol and after a small disagreement with his wife of only six weeks.
No one knows "why" he did this, and to add more, he took his life on his only sibling’s birthday.
The pain and confusion go on even after three years. The way I understand the Bible, he does not see our unhappiness and grief once he is in heaven. He had just recently rededicated his life, so I feel sure he is in heaven. How will I ever know why he did such a cruel thing and have peace? There is so much pain in the entire family because of this.
A Hurting Mother
I am so sorry to hear of the really sad loss of your son. People who commit suicide are usually in terrible pain, either physical, emotional or spiritual. They want not so much to die as to simply make the pain go away, and at that moment, it seems the only way out. I am more than certain he did not deliberately cause his own death on your other child's birthday. Suicide is such a desperate act, and in a moment of deep anguish and sorrow, sometimes people see no other way to fix things.
He is in heaven now and God has him safely in His arms. He has no more pain or sorrow and sees things through God's own heart. You will not know why he did this until you see him again, face to face, in heaven. As hard as it is to stop trying to figure it out, it is best for you to try to stay away from thinking of it all the time. That will not give you peace.
Knowing that he had rededicated his life to the Lord has got to give you great comfort. If he could speak to you now, he would ask that you live your life with joy, remembering all the very good things about him: what made him laugh, how he loved and how much you all loved him. Think on these things and pray and I promise you that in time, you will find peace.
Many times a mother is called on to set the tone, to be brave when things hurt terribly, and soon after the rest of the family follows. I know that it is a lot to ask, but please try hard and ask Jesus to give you the strength you need to do this. Find the little book Jesus Calling, and read one page each day. Wholeness will come to all of you in time. Please feel free to write to me at anytime. I will be happy to stay in touch with you.
God's blessings on you and your family,
If you have a story about a “glimpse of heaven,” please share it with us. Send it to [email protected].