Learning Lessons from Lydia
Learning Lessons from Lydia
Prone to panic attacks, an Ohio woman used prayer and a puppy to calm her fears.
The teacher stood at the head of the class and took attendance. I surveyed the room nervously. It felt like my first day of school all over again. New faces. New lessons to learn. But I wasn’t the student, my six-month-old retriever mix, Lydia, was. And this was puppy school.
My husband, Jeff, and I adopted Lydia when she was nine weeks old. She was smart, playful and sweet—she even knew a few commands. But lately she’d been acting up. Okay...she was on the verge of being totally out of control.
High-spirited. Mischievous. She ate almost anything in her path: mulch, grass, small rocks and sticks (her favorite). I practically had the vet on speed dial. The more she got into, the more I wondered what we’d gotten ourselves into. I tried to keep a sense of humor about it but even that was wearing thin.
I gripped Lydia’s leash. Would this class really be okay? Would I?
Growing up, Mom and Dad nicknamed me the “worry wart.” Sometimes I was a happy-go-lucky kid. Other times I got caught up in pretty big fears—getting sick, dying, something terrible happening to my family.
Faith was big in our house, so I turned to God to help me calm down and visualized happy things to squeeze out my scary thoughts. Sometimes, though, I’d go into full-blown panic mode: struggling for breath, breaking into a sweat, feeling paralyzed with fear. It was terrifying!
“Try to relax, Patty,” my parents said. “You’ll grow out of this.”
I didn’t. As I grew, my anxiety did too. Once, in my early twenties, a blizzard was headed for my town. What if I’m stuck in the house for days? What if I go bonkers? Panic welled up in me.
I went through my craft stash and pulled out supplies to make a miniature Amish quilt, hoping that working on it would stave off my worries. And it did! I was so proud of that quilt I hung it on my wall as a reminder that I could turn my fears into something wonderful. That didn’t always work, though.
A few years later I hurt my back while I was working out. What if this never heals? Even when my back felt better I worried I’d hurt myself again. I always seemed to be in “what if” mode.
One day I went to the library and looked up my symptoms in a medical book. “Panic attack: a period of intense fear with abrupt onset. Symptoms include trembling, shortness of breath and choking sensations.” Yup, that was me!
Yet knowing what they were didn’t stop them from happening, and worrying about an attack was almost as bad as having one. I was having panic attacks about my panic attacks!
Despite those attacks, by the time I met Jeff, the man of my dreams, I’d accomplished a lot. I was optimistic about life and financially secure. I’d even gotten my pilot’s license.
Then, I lost my job. My back started aching again. Those “what if” feelings drifted back and I took to projecting the worst possible outcome when it came to whatever I was anxious about. Like when we moved from the city to our beautiful country house. I was so excited! We’d budgeted to live on one income since I was out of work.
Still, I hoped to find a job. Months passed. Nothing.
“Don’t worry, honey. We’ll be fine. We’re careful with our spending,” Jeff said.
Deep down I knew that was true, but having too much time on my hands wasn’t a good thing. My worries spun out of control. Our first winter in the country was brutal. I was terrified I’d slip on ice and break something.
Then I got hit with the flu. One night my fingers tingled and my vision blurred. I shook uncontrollably and could hardly catch my breath. My heart hammered in my chest. Oh, God! A heart attack! “Jeff, call 911!”
The second I saw the ambulance, I stopped shaking—as if a light switch had been flipped. “You have a fever,” the medic said. “But the rest of your symptoms sound like a classic panic attack.”